She looked a little taken aback by the defensiveness in my tone, but quickly schooled her face. “You are not a child anymore, Morrigan. Nor do I have any plans to tell you what to do. I lost that right a long time ago.” Shestraightened her back and pulled my hands into hers. “I just want you tothinkabout it…reallythink. I don’t need to know what your plans are, but I need you to ask yourself if you think it willfixanything. And, is it something that you’re willing to lose yourself to?”
Her voice softened and her grip tightened.
“I know what happened to Maeryn, and I know the turmoil it put you through.”
“I don’t regret it,” I said flatly, needing that to be known. “It hurt, and it took a while for me to fully comprehend what I had even done, but I would do it again.”
“It changed you. That’s only natural. I just need you to know thatthis… might change you, too. And before you decide, I need you to be comfortable with that fact. Comfortable with how you will look at yourself in the mirror afterward. And comfortable with the person you will be when you sit next to Azrael at the end of it all.”
Something about the last sentence lit a tiny flame of anger in me, and the words slipped out before I could stop them. “Were you comfortable as you held me after Maeryn whipped me for the first time?” The pain that flashed in her eyes tugged on my heart, and I wanted to take it back. “Shit! No. I didn’t mean?—"
“No, Morrigan,” she interrupted me. A single tear fell down her cheek, and landed on both of our hands. “In truth, I wish thatIhad been the one to kill her.”
Memory
300 YEARS AGO…
“Dad!”
Tears poured from my eyes, falling like rain against my blouse as I fisted my hands tight enough to draw blood.
“Y-You can’t! There are others! I’ll speak to Kaiden! He’ll let you?—”
“Enough!” his voice bellowed throughout the small kitchen. “It is my duty!”
My cries grew more violent, shaking my chest as it threatened to crack open as fiercely as my heart began to break. “Dad… They aregods! Rosina— You’ve seen what they can do! Those beasts! You’ll die! I can’t lose you, I can’t?—”
He interrupted my words once more as he pulled me into his chest, trying his best to soothe my sobs. “I know, sweet child. I know. That is why you must stay with Lord Kaiden. He has already promised to keep you safe.”
Kaiden. We’d barely spoken after he forced me to leave his study. And now, with a war looming over our small world, threatening the peace, I was going to lose the last family I had left.
“Don’t leave me, please,” I begged him. “You’ve given them your life. If not for their stupid descendants, Mother never would have?—”
“Quiet!” he hissed, placing a hand over my mouth as my eyes widened in shock. “You will not speak about them in such a way, do you understand? They are… Fear infects our neighbors… our leaders… If they so much as suspect you to be a rebel…” He shook his head and yanked my head to his chest, his breath shuddering. “I’ll be okay. I’ll come home to you. I’ll come home.”
He repeated those words over and over again until he convinced himself that they were true. Or at least until we pretended enough for the both of us to stop our own tears.
Chapter 23
MORRIGAN
This shouldn’t be so hard, Morrigan. Hetorturedyou.
My mind continued to race into the next day as Malakai and I sparred together. While I felt confident in my decision, another part of me felt like a monster for even considering it. He was a horrible person, but would inflicting my own restitutions makemeone, too?
“I wish I could hear your thoughts like Tristan can,” Malakai said, stepping back to take a break. “This is the hardest I’ve seen you swing that sword, spitfire.”
As he handed me a glass of water, I watched as Tristan approached us in the garden. My teeth dug into my bottom lip, contemplating if I should tell him what I wanted to do. Tristan was surrounded by death. He surelywouldn’t have brought Aamon here to simply end him immediately…right? Or maybe he thought I would just want Malakai to tear him apart. I looked to my right just as Malakai jogged over to him, a wide smile stretching across his face.
I could let Malakai do it. He’d probably enjoy it.
“Morrigan,” Tristan called to me.
On the other hand, whyshouldn’tI get something in return? I harbored no sympathy for the man. He didn’t showmethat courtesy each time he cut into my skin. Subconsciously, I lifted my hand to my shoulder where the tiny scars remained.
Heisdead already…
“Okay. You’re taking a break.” Suddenly, Tristan stood in front of me, grabbing my hand and pulling me across the garden. “Come on.”
