The absolute rush coursing through me had my hands vibrating. It shouldn’t have felt so good, and maybe Iwouldlook at myself differently in the mirror that night. But gods… I needed it.
I walked straight to my room, limbs trembling with energy. When I closed the door, I wasn’t thinking as I pressed my back against it and slid my hand down my pants. My fingers found my center, and I rubbed it through the adrenaline suffocating my body. When I came, I didn’t know whether I should feel relief or disgust with myself.
Okay, yeah… Maybe a lot of screws came loose.
“How did it go?” Tristan asked casually as we sat together in the dining hall.
Mara and Malakai both spared a single glance our way, already knowing what Tristan was referencing. My mother kept her eyes on Azrael as he ate, but I didn’t sense any disappointment or judgment from her.
“It was… refreshing.” Now that the adrenaline had worn off, a strong hunger ached in my stomach. I quickly dug into the food, the taste somehow even more vibrant on my tongue after the events that unfolded that morning.
“Yeah,” Malakai laughed from his end of the table. “I’m always starved after I?—”
Mara elbowed him in the ribs, stopping him from finishing his sentence. The one thing we had all agreed on was to keep Azrael out of this. He was too young to hear about it, and he had been through enough. Especially at the hands of people like Aamon.
“Still have energy for some training after lunch?” Tristan asked.
Then, I felt him wiping at something on my arm. I looked down to see him clearing away a couple droplets of dried blood that I had missed when bathing. My cheeks heated a little at his casual demeanor as he smiled down at me.
“We can do some fire wielding, and then you could get some sparring in with Malakai. You’re getting a lot better. It’s not good to rely solely on your fire to defend yourself every time.”
“Will it ever run out?” I asked, sipping my water. “Like, would I eventually need to ‘rest’ my power? Doesyourlight ever get tired?” I started to laugh nervously. “I’m sorry, this is all still new to me. I don’t really know what I’m saying.”
Tristan’s smile grew wider, and he nodded his head. “Yes. There will be times when that light dims, in a way. Only two things will help rejuvenate that power. For gifted mortals, they would need to rest until they’ve regained their strength. You could rest as well, but since you have my light, a faster way would be blood sharing.”
I spit the water out of my mouth, feeling a slight sense of déjà vu. “I thought only the lords needed to?—”
“The lordsdoneed to feed, but that was a littlegiftmy mother gave them that mirrored the gods themselves. While gods don’tneedblood, wecandrinkit. It strengthens us and helps our light return faster.” His hand slid beneath mine, and he tangled our fingers together. “That’s why your bond requires that you both share blood together—as does the soul bond. It all falls back to their roots.”
“Then, why aren’t my bonds like the soul bond instead?” I asked curiously.
“You would need the power of a god to complete a soul bond; that’s why they no longer exist. Once the gods approved a soul bond, they would place a drop of their blood into a mixture of their own, letting their power complete the ritual.”
“Haveyouever fed on someone?”
“Only when it was absolutely necessary. When I helped Malakai with the other lycan, it took a lot out of me. I’ve only fed fromhimbefore.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of my palm. “But don’t worry about it. The amount of power it would take to drain you is a heavy one. I don’t see that happening in the near future. But if it does, I’ll be there to bring you back, Morrigan.”
Chapter 25
MORRIGAN
Inever expected screams to be as satisfying as Aamon’s were, and I wondered if this was the sick pleasure that Cain derived frommyinjuries.
Did he feel the same thrill as I did when I cut into Aamon, returning the pain they hadbothinflicted on me for more days than I could count? It would never be enough. Even as I dug the blade deeper, none of this would truly make up for what they had done to me. I knew Tristan knew that. Mymotherknew that. But I didn’t care. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to feel as helpless as I did in those tunnels.
This was the third time I had visited him, and I thought I would have been tired of it by now, but I was beginning to look forward to our time together.
I paused with the knife still in my hand, digging into his skin.I look forward to this,I thought to myself, and felt a small twist of shame sinking into my gut.
Aamon was mumbling something beneath his gag, and I decided to remove it so he could speak. When I did, most of his words came out in a snarling growl.
“You can cut me all you want, but it won’t remove the stain I left on you, and you know that. It won’t heal the dark spot we drove into that pure little heart of yours.”
I rolled my eyes, shoving away the invasive empathy I had almost allowed myself to feel, and walked back to the tray.
“You’ll always be stuck there—in that cage… in thatcell. So, torture me all you want, little bird. I may be dead, but the memory of me will remain attached to your soul like a leech until the day thatyoudie. That’s good enough for me.”
“Stop talking, Aamon,” I said quietly, trying to tune him out.Two more days,I reminded myself.Two more days, and you can kill him.
