The opening chords of “The Freshmen” by the Verve Pipe start wrapping around us, and I pause, taking in a breath.
“Go turn this up, I love this song.”
Collins smiles over my lips and backs away, heading to the front. He turns it up and the notes ripple through me. Goose bumps appear on my arms, as if the lyrics were leaving braille along the surface of my skin.
He pulls on my hand, leading me where he just came from. He’s turned the headlights on, bugs swirling in the beams.
“Dance with me.” We step into the light and instantly melt into each other. There’s no finding a rhythm—we move in sync, like our souls are on the same wavelength. And they are. I’m sure of it.
Foreheads pressed together, his breath whispers against my skin as he sings the lyrics and we move and glide slowly as one. Collins and the speakers burst out the final chorus.
“For the life of me.”
The notes start to fade. “I love that song so much.” Collins looks at me with deliberate eyes, so serious my heart rings hollow for a second.
“I loveyou…so much.”
My eyes go wide at his admission.
“That was it,” I confess.
He knits his brows, studying my eyes. “What was it?”
“That was my wish…I love you, too.”
CHAPTER 25
johnnie
NOW
Hot soapy waterruns over me, my hands following it down my body. I can still feel him. My fingertips touch my lips, my breasts, my stomach, then below. He was everywhere, and I want more. We were supposed to be heading to Collins’ house so he could show me around. After our little detour though, I had him bring me back to Nan’s. He’s waiting for me next door with Lou and Billy. I saw Crandall’s motorcycle pull up shortly after we got here, too.
I needed a breather. It’s been a hell of a day. And not bad, either, just emotions all over the place, jumping from one extreme to the next. I feel sad, I feel happy, I feel confused. Shit, I’m a mess.
Tears sting my eyes and I’m not really sure what kind of tears they are. Either way, they need to be released, so I sit down on the bathtub floor, hugging my knees to my chest and just cry.
There’s this nagging feeling inside me that’s telling me it’s time to open the envelope from Nan. I haven’t been able to shake it since we left the funeral home.
Stepping out onto the fluffy pink bathroom mat, I dry off and wipe the condensation off the mirror, revealing my red-rimmed eyes. Steam hovers in the small bathroom, and I turn around to the dryer, pulling out my favorite royal blue sweat set and throwing it on. I gather all my hair over one shoulder to brush it out and my eye snags on the perfume bottle by the sink. It’s one of the things I could never part with. Nan’s favorite, Wind Song. I spray a little into the air, then walk through it. As soon as I open the door, steam rolls out into the hallway ahead of me.
Moment of truth. I bring air into my lungs and don’t let it back out until I’m in the kitchen, staring at the counter where the envelope sits. I grab it and pull up a piece of carpet in the middle of the living room. “Okay, Nan. What’s this all about?”
I carefully open the flap and pull out the piece of yellow notebook paper.
My Dearest Sweet Pea,
I know why you left.
Tell him.
He’ll understand, he still loves you.
I can barely see through the tears. I drop the letter on the floor in front of me and lie down, curling into a ball.
How? How did she know?
Everything hurts. Knowing that Nan knew has the past flooding back and all the pain that comes with it. I just wish I could have talked to her about all this before she was gone.
