‘May I say something about your speech?’ she asked, after they had sat for a while in silence.
‘I am surprised to be given a choice.’
‘I am trying to be less… blunt in my dealings with you.’
‘Do not feel as if you have to be. I should prefer it if you were yourself. You may have noticed…’ His throat tightened, as if it did not want him to say the words on his mind. This was different from his normal difficulty. It was almost as if his body was trying to stop him from making a confession that might make him vulnerable in her eyes. He swallowed. She was not looking at him, which made it easier to try again. ‘Talking with you is effortless, but it is not so with other people. I would not want that to change and I fear it might if you started to guard your words.’
More hair fell loose from its binding as she nodded slowly. ‘I have noticed that you are more able to talk when you are relaxed. I do not think it is me, as such; rather, the situations we have found ourselves in are different from your norm. You do not have time to…’ she waved her hand around in front of her ‘… to think too much and so you are freer.’
A blush was spreading up the soft skin of her throat, spilling across her cheeks. It was such a fiery red, it looked painful. Tobias pressed his palms together to stop himself from reaching out and brushing his fingers against the heat. His mind spiralled, wondering how she would react if he gave in to his impulse; a breathy laugh or a short, sharp punch to his stomach was equally possible.
‘I hope I have not overstepped,’ she said when he didn’t say anything in response.
He realised he’d been so busy staring at her that he had failed to respond to what was probably the most profound thing anyone had ever said to him.
‘You could be right,’ he said.
A blackbird, entirely unaware of their presence, hopped onto the flowerbed and began pecking at the soil.
‘Have you always disliked speaking?’ she asked.
‘I do not remember ever enjoying it or not. When I was a boy, Sebastian and I were here a lot. Freddie was too small to play and I do not recall if either of the other two were born. We would roam the grounds, swim in the lake and not return home unless starving. I cannot summon to my mind any thoughts about not being able to speak in those days. Sebastian was adept at building story worlds, soperhaps I was merely following his lead.’ He shrugged. ‘But I do not recall it all that clearly.’
‘Sebastian was an incredible storyteller. He used to speak about your childhood a lot.’
‘He did?’ Hearing anything about Sebastian and his time in America was a gift of which Tobias would never grow tired.
‘Yes. Whenever he spoke about it, it was always summer and the two of you were always up to something. It got so that I believed it never rained in England. The dismal grey weather that sometimes plagues London is always a shock to me.’ She smiled slightly. ‘He made his time with you sound magical. And later, when he spoke of you gaining your majority and taking over control of the ducal estate from your guardians, he described you as some kind of crusader taking on invading armies. He was inordinately proud of you.’
Tobias snorted, even as something strange was happening in his chest, pain and happiness swirling about in a potent mixture. As much as he wanted Grace to have a good opinion of him, he could not let this false image of him stand. ‘Sebastian was being kind, or perhaps distance and time had clouded his judgement. He should have been born the oldest; everyone knew he was better than me in every way.’
She turned sharply, her blue eyes narrowed. ‘Whatever do you mean by that?’
‘There is no need to dissemble. You have met us both. I am not so proud that I cannot acknowledge his superiority.’ Tobias had never spoken about this with anyone, but there was something about this woman and the quiet of the evening that invited confidences. ‘As the heir and the second born, our father subjected us to the same lessons. That is the first time I truly remember having problems with my words coming out. It frustrated my father no end. Sebastian began to talk for me, which was a kindness that probably did not help improvemy father’s opinion of me. My brother was mathematically brilliant, as you no doubt saw first hand. He…’
‘Sebastian was many things,’ interrupted Grace. ‘He was a loving husband, a generous brother-in-law and a gifted storyteller.’
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Tobias couldn’t help but smile. ‘Is this you confirming that Sebastian was better than me? Because it surely cannot be you trying to persuade me I am wrong.’
Her smile pinched something deep in his stomach. He looked away and studied the bush in front of them instead, from under which no bird emerged, injured or otherwise.
‘I had not quite finished,’ she said. ‘What I was going to say was that you are very different…’
‘This is still not a compliment, Mrs Wilmott.’
‘Do you know, I think I prefer it when you do not speak.’ Her smile blossomed wider and her whole body wiggled with delight; clearly, she was pleased with her own jest at his expense.
‘Very droll,’ he said as dryly as he could manage. He found it hard not to smile, which was unusual, because it was normally the opposite.
Her smile slowly faded. ‘One should not compare oneself to someone else. It steals joy.’ Her gaze sought his, locking with it and holding him captive. ‘Your brother was all the things that you say he was, and you are different, but that is not a negative thing. You are dependable, thoughtful and kind.’
He tried to be all those things, but put like that, it made him sound rather dull. He was not the brother who would risk everything by travelling to a new continent. Nor was he the one who could conjure up a magical garden from his mind, like Freddie. He also wasn’t the one who could play the piano so beautifully he could transport listeners to another world, like Edward. Christopher was joyous like Sebastian, a natural storyteller and adventurer. Tobias wasdependable, and while there were worse things to be called, it didn’t match his brothers’ qualities. Take away Tobias’ title and who was he? A quiet, studious man who preferred his own company.
‘I have upset you.’
He tried to smile, but his earlier amusement had fled, leaving in its wake the realisation that he wanted Grace to find something attractive about him. While he wasn’t expecting them to waltz off into the future together, he would have liked some indication that the admiration he had for her was in some way reciprocated. Grace may say that she was against marriage to him and that she never intended to enter into the state again, but she was still young. There probably would be a man out there, one who was exciting and dashing, who would change her mind.
‘Would you have preferred me to call you a piratical rake?’
