My stomach twists at the thought of what that would do to Allen and Clarke. How betrayed Zeke and Seb would feel. I can't bring myself to hurt them like that. But my alpha is guarding Dellie like she's… his. It's visceral just how much he needs her here, and for her to want to be with him.
I don't want to think about how he's probably terrified that, if I don't take good enough care of her, she won't. And I really don't want to think about how it's probably the same way he's terrified that the rest of the pack won't, either, if I'm notdoing a good enough job of keeping them safe. Me and my alpha still haven't quite worked through that one, and I haven't figured out where to start.
I want to run and tear something apart and scream.
… who supports you?
Good fucking question.
Right now, my omega and my alphas need aftercare more than I need to decide to throw caution to the wind. Future James can worry about that. Present James needs to worry about his people.
… oh…
Oh fuck.
Chapter 19
Everything smellssogood.
Like a springtime garden after a storm has passed through. But I'm dry and warm. My omega is blissed out. She's sated, and finally at ease. There's something so snuggly and warm and safe wrapping around me. Everything feels so comfortable and… right. I don't want to move. I don't want to open my eyes.
But my bladder seems to have other ideas.
Ugh.With a pang of regret, I force my eyelids open.
The first faint hints of dawn sneak through the open windows. But between me and the streaks of light are… huh.
I glance around, my sluggish brain finally catching up with my body.
There was sex.Spectacularsex. The kind of sex I dreamed about when hoping that the worst thing I'd be left with after an alpha I'd found on Packr showed up to "help" with my heat would be a UTI and an obscene pile of laundry. The kind of sex I'd always fantasized about when I was white knuckling my way through heats with a handful of knotted vibrators and a prayer in my linen-cupboard-cum-nest in my crappy K-town apartment.
A possessive, fair and freckled arm is curled around me, pulling me gently towards a warm chest. And there's a mop of chestnut brown, curly hair wedged in front of my face.
I had sex,reallygood sex, incredibly good sex, with Allen and Ralph and James and Seb and Zeke.
Holy heck.
I banged a pack.
A kind, caring, sexy pack. A pack that smells better than anything I can remember. A pack who actually want to hear what I have to say, even when I don't have all the words to say it perfectly.
And I didn't even have to go on Heatseekers to find them.
I gently pull my arm away, trying not to make any sudden movements, despite the urgency from my bladder. I ease myself down the mattress, and nearly collect whoever is sprawled at the end of the bed with my foot, only just making out their form before I kick straight into them.
It's hard to accidentally avoid colliding with one of them as I shuffle my way around them.
I can just make out three doors in the faint light. The first leads to a cupboard stuffed with suitcases and… pool floats that smell faintly of chlorine.Huh. Weird.The second, to an open-plan kitchen and family room, where another two dark forms are snoring faintly on the sofa.
And the third, to the bathroom my bladder is screaming to find.
Inside, I notice that I'm wearing a clean, white t-shirt that smells like herby lemony freshness wrapped with lavender and petrichor, and I'm surprisingly… not disgusting. Not even any panda eyes.
I should be smeared with old makeup and sticky and gross. I glance around the bathroom as I allow my bladder its relief.
Someone has hung my dress on the back of the door. Someone has plugged my phone into charge and put my purse next to it and shoes in front of it. There's a twisting burn in mychest as I mull over what might be expected in return. What cues I might have missed.
But… there haven't been any expectant nudges between my thighs while I was asleep. No shaking me awake for lectures on why this makes them "good guys", no irritated looks, no passive-aggressive notes. And I know they haven't recorded it, so I don't have to worry about a hidden cost I wasn't prepared to pay later on. Maybe… maybe they really do just want to care. My heart melts just a little more.
