She frowns. "No scrubs, babes."
I wave a hand at her. "They werenotscrubs. Trust me. They run their own business. It's a very successful one."
I look down, shuddering out a sigh, remembering what I'd nearly asked them to give up for me. I've done the right thing. IknowI have. Now I just have to remember that.
The tugging in my chest grows even stronger. I take a slow, controlled breath, counting in my head as I exhale, trying to steady my breathing.
Loz is looking sceptically at me.
"Uh. Anyway. They made sure they were doing what I wanted at every step. Like, literally every time they touched me, they wouldn't go further until I'd told them explicitly to. And, um... James... uh. He, um, helped me out. With his, um, knot. And then, um… so did Zeke…"
Loz squeals.
"… they were just so… caring. Like, the whole time. I just felt… seen, I guess? Like I was enough like I am? And they smelled so good. SO good. Like back home, in the garden, after the spring rain… but more. So much more. Just… perfect. And I fell asleep in their arms and woke up all clean and fresh… they'd even hung up my dress and put my phone on to charge."
Loz leans forward and frowns at me. "Y'know, the only time I've heard someone talk about a pack's scent like that—"
"Don'teven go there." I didn't mean to growl at her.
There's no humour in her glare this time. "So what the fuck happened between then and now to leave you crying in your nest all fucking day?"
Tears well behind my eyes. "Loz, I wouldn't be good for them! They've worked so hard and built their business from nothing—they have a whole frigging career, a whole frigginglife, around being a frigging Heatseekers pack! You know howinsanelyqualified a pack has to be to even make it onto the app, and how much they have to invest in getting there—and you know how selfish my omega is—I can't let her take that away from them!" It bursts out of me like I'm a broken dam, followed by a string of silent sobs as I bury my face in my hands and lean against my knees.
I feel her warm hand stroking my back.
Another sob shudders out. She kneels in front of me and pulls me into her embrace, as I let out a snotty wail into her shoulder. She keeps rubbing my back as I weep.
Finally, after I don't know how long, no more tears come. Loz's just been sitting there, holding me the whole time. I lift my head and wipe my face with my hand. Wordlessly, she passes me a tissue.
"Thanks," I murmur, blowing my nose.
A warm expression flashes over her face as she shrugs. "Just don't want snot all over the fancy pillows."
I shudder out a chuckle as I wipe my eyes.
She drops her arms to her sides and leans back. "Did they tell you that?"
I sniffle as I shake my head. "No. I saw a Heatseekers booking alert show up on their phones. And they're all so selfless, such good guys that—ow!"
A pillow whacks me in the face.
"Loz? What the heck?"
She lightly jabs my shoulder. "You.Fucking. Numpty." Each word is punctuated with a poke of her finger. I gape at her.
"I swear to God, Dellie," she growls, clutching her hair, "you are the smartest person I know and, just occasionally, the biggest fuckingnumptyon the entire fucking planet. What thefuckis wrong with you, babes?" A disgusted noise explodes out of her as she throws herself off the sofa. She turns away from me,takes two strides towards the kitchen, then stomps back, fire in her eyes.
"Are youseriouslytelling me you found a pack—and yeah, sure, they may be scrubs and from the North fucking Shore, but they seemed to treat you right, which is what Ireallyfucking care about—that made you feel safe," she counts on her fingers, "made you feel wanted, made you cum—repeatedly, I might add, and based on how you've described their scent, I'm pretty fucking sure are your scent matches—and you fucking… just took a taxi and left them behind at arse o'clock in the morning?"
I look away, ashamed.
"Did you even tell them where you were going?" Incredulity has made her voice high enough to shatter glass.
Tears are welling behind my eyes. My lips tremble. "I couldn't, okay? I'm not like you. I'm a crappy actor. I couldn't tell them I wanted to be casual or that I wanted to just go home and make it look like I meant it. They would have seen right through it—and I could tell that they would just fall on their frigging swords for me if they saw how much I wanted them—"
A growl rips out of Loz's throat. "You fuckingnumpty! How would you feel if you were with someone you really liked and you woke up and they were just… gone?! Did you even leave a fuckingnote?"
I shake my head, looking at the floor.
