"Us," Sam said, suddenly short of breath like that one single word knocked all the air out of him.
"There is an us, isn't there? I mean we're dating even if we haven't gone on an official date," Wyatt said while giving Sam a deep and searching look. "We should do that, by the way. Go on a real date."
Not giving himself a chance to think or second-guess himself, Sam nodded. The last thing he wanted was to miss the chance of experiencing a real date with Wyatt. Actually, he had never been on a real date. Thinking of that he started to get nervous.
"What worries you about telling the kids?" Sam asked to shift the focus away from his mounting anxiety and fear.
"I don't know what my brother or his wife told the kids about what it means to be gay. What if they told them it was wrong?" Wyatt's worried gaze met Sam's and he smiled. "The kids adore you, and I want them to know what's going on with us. I don't want to pretend that we're just friends because I want more than that," Wyatt said and he took Sam's hand.
"So how do you want to handle telling them?" Sam asked while Wyatt rubbed his thumb over the palm of his hand. A tingle ran up Sam's arm and took over his whole body, but he tried his best not to get distracted.
Wyatt gave Sam a crooked smile. "My usual way. Come right out with it. Whatever their parents might have told them, the boys don't have any kind of deep prejudices. They'll make up their own minds, and they'll make me proud. I'm sure of it." Wyatt then sobered a little and lowered his head. "But then I'm the same guy who thought Lloyd would stand by me, and that didn't turn out so well."
Sam gripped Wyatt's hand and pulled it tighter to him to get his full attention. "The boys love you. Nothing will turn them against you," Sam told him. About that at least, he was sure.
"I like how you believe in the power of love," Wyatt said and leaned over to kiss him.
Sam kissed back then remembered the kids and glanced toward the hallway. "Easy," he warned Wyatt. It wouldn't be the end of the world if the kids caught them kissing, but Sam wasn't sure how long he could keep himself from trying to rip Wyatt's clothes off, and that was something the kids shouldn't see.
"So cautious," Wyatt whispered in his ear and kissed his neck.
Cautious? That word sounded wrong. If Wyatt knew how Sam got sometimes, he would call him paranoid instead. Thinking of that Sam pulled back. Maybe Wyatt should know. "I wanted to tell you something. Remember how I warned you about my panic attacks?"
"Yes. Have you had any?" Wyatt asked and eyed him with concern.
"No," Sam said and he smiled. He wanted to give Wyatt credit for the fact that he hadn't had a single panic attack, not while he was awake anyway. Though it was talk about Wyatt that had nearly triggered an attack. "But I wanted to tell you about what happened when you came to the cafe that first time."
Wyatt frowned as he thought back. "You didn't look well. Was what I saw back then a panic attack?"
Sam nodded. "I was starting to have one then I saw it was you. Before that, I thought he might have come after me and found me."
"Who?" Wyatt asked and he looked so fierce like he was ready to fight Brian on the spot.
"His name is Brian McKinnon. I was involved with him. I lived with him my last two years of high school. I told you how my relatives didn't want me. My great-grandmother did, but she lived with her boyfriend and he hated me. He only tolerated me when my great-grandmother started to need help and he didn't want to take care of her himself. Once my great-grandmother went into a nursing home, her boyfriend kicked me out. I didn't have anywhere to go. Brian lived in the same neighborhood, and I got to know him. He took me in, but he also beat me. That's when I started having panic attacks a lot. I only had them once in a while before then. They started to get really bad after my great-grandmother died. I kept asking myself why I was even alive any more. The last person who cared about me was gone..."
"No. That's not true," Wyatt said breathlessly. He grabbed hold of Sam and wrapped him tightly in his arms. "Not the last person, not even close."
Wyatt held on to him and breathed raggedy like there was some danger that threatened to take Sam away even now. But Sam had never felt more secure than right at that moment. Then he felt the grief stirring inside him, and all the unshed tears welled up in his eyes.
In his tight, caring embrace, Sam broke. He started crying silently against Wyatt's shoulder. He cried so hard, he wasn't sure he knew how to stop, but eventually the tears subsided. He pulled back and looked into Wyatt's tearful eyes.
"I'm sorry. You just lost your brother. I shouldn't..."
Wyatt shook his head and didn't let him finish. He caressed Sam's face gently and kissed away his tears. "Your grief doesn't take anything away from mine. We can both cry."
"But I didn't mean to. I just never got to grieve for my great-grandmother properly. If he saw me crying, Brian would get furious and hit me." Sam remembered the empty numbness that filled him at those times, made it impossible for him to grieve. "Finally, a few months ago, I had enough. I left him, but back then I didn't go far enough. He caught me behind the restaurant where I worked and beat me unconscious. That's when I realized I had to go somewhere where he wouldn't find me."
"Did you report him to the cops?" Wyatt wanted to know.
"No. I was too afraid he would be out the next day and come after me again. I just wanted to get away. Eventually I ended up here."
"The best place in the world," Wyatt said and kissed Sam on the cheek.
"You weren't too crazy about it," Sam reminded him.
"Now I think it's perfect. Any place where you are safe and where I got to meet you is the perfect place," he said and he took both of Sam's hands in his and kissed them.
"I just wanted to tell you and maybe introduce myself. My name is Liam Samuel James. Nice to meet you," Sam said.
