"Do I do that?" Sam wondered and Riley nodded to let him know that he did.
Sam cupped his face and thought about how unfair he was being to him and DJ. He had no right to bring disruption to the lives of these sweet little boys. But what was he supposed to do to fix things?
Later, as they left the party and walked to their cars, Sam was silent and far away, and DJ noticed.
"You're not sick, are you, Sam?" DJ asked. "Do you have a tummy ache?"
"Maybe he's just worried that we might have rain for the parade tomorrow," Raquel said.
"It can't rain on the parade," Reilly said alarmed.
Sam turned to him and gave him a smile. "I don't think it will rain. Nothing will spoil the parade for you guys," he promised them.
That night Sam woke from a nightmare, out of breath and in a panic. He calmed down quickly as he felt Wyatt take him in his arms. Wyatt pressed a kiss to his temple, soothing him with his entire body, his warmth and his gentle strength.
"A nightmare?" Wyatt said and Sam nodded against his shoulder.
Surprisingly, this nightmare wasn't about Brian though. It was worse. Sam had dreamed that DJ and Riley were gone, and he couldn't find them.
Wyatt stroked his hair and murmured reassurances under his breath. Sam was so grateful to him, but even Wyatt couldn't free him of the grip of that nightmare.
As he thought about it, Sam realized something. This nightmare didn't seem to be about Brian, but what if it was?
Brian was here. He wasn't just a nightmare any more. The nightmare was real. He found Sam, and he was already trying to get close to the people around him. How long before this latest nightmare turned into reality as well?
The way he approached Rico, what if he approached DJ or Riley? Sam couldn't let that happen.
"You want to tell me about it?" Wyatt asked, but Sam couldn't.
At the same time fierce and tender, so protective, Wyatt made his heart ache. Sam never thought anyone would ever care about him like that, stand up for him, be ready to fight for him. He couldn't let him do that though.
"I'm going to make breakfast," Sam said and started to get out of bed.
"It's still early," Wyatt said. "It's not even light out."
"I'll make some cinnamon buns and leave them to rise. It will help to take my mind off things," Sam told him.
Wyatt started to get out of bed too. "OK. Then I'll come and help. Maybe learn a thing or two," Wyatt said and Sam couldn't talk him out of it. But maybe he didn't really want to.
The cinnamon buns were done, and Sam left them to rise. The sun was only now starting to come up. Stepping out on the back porch, Sam inhaled sharply. Cool, morning air filled his lungs a little painfully.
"You feeling OK?" Wyatt asked coming to stand next to him.
"Just a little tired," Sam lied. More lies would follow. He couldn't tell Wyatt the truth or he would try to stop him, of that Sam had no doubt.
"I have to get ready for work. Don't burn those buns," Sam said to Wyatt.
"I can't promise that," Wyatt said. "Maybe you better stick around."
Hearing those words hurt him inside so much, but Sam did his best to keep his breathing even, his voice casual so Wyatt wouldn't notice how he was suffering at the thought of leaving him. "I can't. I have the early shift. Just follow the instructions I left."
He kissed Wyatt with an ache in his heart. More empty words fell from his lips flat and meaningless, lies about seeing him soon. Saying them, Sam felt dead inside.
It killed him not to be able to say the three words which he wanted to say more than any others. But those words were impossible now.
Sam had to go without saying goodbye. Without saying "I love you."
Chapter 33
