"It's no problem. I'm up anyway. Are you feeling OK?" Rob asked him.
"Fine," Julian said, but his voice was strained.
"OK. Be right back."
Rob was almost out of the door when he heard Julian speak again, his words coming out in a tight whisper. "Everything is fine."
Rob stopped and turned. "Are you OK?" he asked again.
"Yes. Fine." Julian was only a shadow pressed up against the wall. Was he this rattled because it was dark? Why didn't he go out into the hall then?
"You don't need to stay here," Rob told him.
"Danny likes it here," Julian said.
"What?" After a moment of confusion, Rob realized that he was talking about his reason for staying at the house. "You don't have to stay alone in this room."
"I'm fine," Julian insisted and Rob suddenly felt so sad for him.
"Come and help me find a light bulb." Rob went over and took his hand. For a second Julian resisted then he gave in and let Rob lead him out of the room.
Under the hallway lights, he could see Julian's pale face and haunted eyes. His lips were trembling until he raised his eyes to Rob. "Thanks."
As he led him to the kitchen, Rob kept a hold of his hand. The small light over the sink was on in there, but Rob turned on the big one as well. He made Julian sit at the kitchen table and handed him a bottle of water. Rob considered that he might want something stronger, but he didn't know if there was any liquor in the house.
"Why were you trying to torture yourself by staying in there?" Rob asked Julian as he sat across from him.
"I wasn't," Julian claimed though it certainly seemed that way to Rob. "It's just that I can't fall apart even in the dark. I need to stay strong."
"You are strong, but what you said... Do you hate being in this house?" Rob asked him.
Julian shook his head. "Not most of the time. I hate the house the way it used to be, the house where my grandfather made the rules."
"If you want to give Danny a quiet place, there are other houses in the country," Rob pointed out.
"But this one is rightfully ours. It's mine and Danny's." Julian groaned, lowered his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes. "I guess I had some idea of reclaiming it as our family home."
Rob found that he approved of his way of thinking. "You're right. Then just remind yourself that it's your house, your rules. And it's Danny's home," Rob told him and reached out across the table to briefly cup his hand.
Julian smiled. "That's a good way to think of it."
He seemed more at ease now, and Rob hated to upset him again. That's why he hesitated before he asked, "What is it about the dark?" Rob didn't want to pry, but he thought he should know.
Julian took a deep breath and nodded like he was agreeing that Rob should hear it. "I had a nanny when I was little, before I started school. She was kind but also quite old and she passed away. I found her sitting outside on a bench, slumped forward, with her phone slipping out of her hand. It was a shock, and once she was gone, I didn't have anyone who could help me through it. My grandfather didn't want me to have another nanny. I started to have nightmares, so I left my lamp on all night. When my grandfather found out I was sleeping with my light on, he was livid."
"Livid?" Rob said, not understanding.
"It was a sign of weakness," Rob said with a bitter smile. "Seeing that I was afraid of the dark made him furious. So to destroy that weakness, he forced me to sleep in the dark. He didn't trust me not to turn the light on. He made sure I didn't have a flashlight and he took the light bulb out of the lamp."
"Damn," Rob said. "Your grandfather was twisted." The thought that anyone could be so cruel to Julian infuriated him.
"Eventually he decided I was cured, and I got to have a light in my room again. But after that I never dared to turn it on in the middle of the night. When I got scared, I would reach under the lampshade and feel for the light bulb to make sure it was there. That was my only comfort."
"Damn. I'm sorry. It must be horrible for you when Danny has a nightmare," Rob said.
"It's worse for him. He's so small and helpless and scared," Julian said. He got up from the table, but he still looked troubled.
"You were too, but at least Danny has you," Rob reminded him and stood up as well. "He knows he can run to you and you'll make it all better." He had seen that for himself.
