"Yeah, no kidding," Rico said indignantly as he stalked out. "And don't be a cold fish about it. Put your heart into it. I mean it."
Rico was gone now, and Julian had to admit that he was right. He needed to speak to Rob, but first he had to take a few minutes. The feeling that made him hold back was evenly divided between fear and excitement. Both those emotions had gripped him since he started thinking about what came next.
His heart clenched at the thought that Rob would leave and it would be all his fault. But could he make Rob stay? And what waited for Julian if he did? Maybe nothing, maybe everything he wanted or some kind of special torture in-between.
For Julian, last night had happened without any thought or decision, just wanting and needing and letting himself go. But to face what was next sent his emotions into a whirlwind of fear and, God help him, hope.
For now he only needed to worry about Rob's job situation. He had to be fair to him on that front and set aside the rest of it. It's not like he stood any chance of figuring it out anyway.
Rico applied some pressure, and now Julian was calling Rob into his office. As soon as he came in, Julian had to get up and then stop himself from pacing the small space behind his desk. With Rob so near but feeling like miles separated them, Julian was torn in too many directions.
Instead of driving himself crazy, he gave Rob an uneasy smile then launched right into what he wanted to say. "Rico just pointed out to me that you might not know how long you would be working here," Julian said to give credit where it was due.
Rob looked like a man who wasn't expecting to hear good news. "You have Ms Dover, I figured you wouldn't need me for that much longer."
"I do," Julian rushed to say then he continued more evenly. "It's just that I'd rather have you looking after Danny when I get busy. That's more important to me than having you doing paperwork or answering emails for me."
"So you basically need me as a manny," Rob said.
That idea took Julian off guard. "I hadn't thought of it like that, but I guess that's true. Does that mean you wouldn't want that kind of job?" he wondered.
"That's already what I'm doing, and I like it. I like working for you, and Danny is great," Rob said making Julian smile.
"He's making good progress, and you're a really big help. So as long as you can stay on, you have the job," Julian said though he didn't expect that to be for very long.
"OK. That's good to know. I don't mind some job security for a change," Rob said with a smile. He was making it sound like he would be with them for quite a while, but Julian didn't dare get his hopes up.
"I didn't mean to keep you guessing," he said.
"We cleared it up so it's all good," Rob said affably. He seemed more cheerful than when he came in.
But Julian couldn't help questioning his own motives for hiring Rob and for wanting to keep him here. That's why he decided to focus on the practical. "Your main duties are what you've already been doing. Take care of Danny, make sure he isn't scared. I'd like you to help get him ready for preschool next year."
"He can't wait to go," Rob said.
Julian had seen for himself how eager Danny was to join the other kids. Thinking of the little guy going off to school, Julian added one more item to his duties. "And don't let him grow up too fast."
Rob chuckled. "You're living up to your reputation as an overprotective, older brother. But you'll still need me in the office, right?"
"I will. Plus I'll need you to go through the library shelves to make room for more books for Danny. My grandfather's office also needs to be cleared, while making sure no important documents are lost. I've decided to remodel it."
"OK. I guess you'll be keeping me busy." Rob sounded glad to hear it.
"I'll have work for you for as long as you're willing to stay here and put up with small town life," Julian told him.
"It's been pretty easy to put up with so far," Rob said, but Julian wondered how long that would last.
"You don't mind living out here where there isn't much to do?" Julian prompted him.
"We've done plenty," Rob said offhandedly, and Julian froze. Did he mean...?
As Julian was on the verge of bringing up last night, they heard the kids yelling, "No, Lenny. No!"
"I better go be a good manny and see what that's all about," Rob said and he was gone.
Julian dropped into his chair and let out a long sigh. Being alone with Rob was unsettling, but Julian felt no relief now that he was gone. Julian wanted to look for any excuse to call him back. He felt such a crazy need for Rob.
Every moment spent with him showed Julian how good it could be. But the fear inside him told him that he already needed Rob too much.
Julian could feel the force of the turmoil Rob stirred up in him, the unbearable weight of it, but he refused to give it another name. He was still Julian Brenner. He fucked and forgot. He didn't fall in love.
