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“Max,” she keens rubbing her pussy against my face. I know her call. Moving up her I enter her as my hands hold her to the bed, my entire body calling for hers and to be connected. I bite her tit to get her attention, needing her eyes on me.
“I love you, baby. So fucking much it scares me. I barely made it through almost losing you once. The next time might kill me.” She looks at me, tears falling from her eyes, making me feel like a piece of shit, but not even that is enough to make me give in.
“I love you too, Max. It was scary for both of us but look at what we made. They are worth all of the uncertainty and pain. I’m sorry for being so upset, but, I have never known joy like I had when we had our babies.”
“I know. They are perfect. Why can’t they be enough?” I know the answer, but I am still hoping she will let it go. No such luck when she grabs my face as her pussy squeezes the shit out of me.
“I never stopped wanting a big family and I refuse to let fear win. Now make love to me you big brute.” She kisses me and I know we have reached a truce for the night.
“Always, baby.” For tonight at least, I get to pretend we are on the same page.
CHAPTER TWO
ROSE
That asshole. Sex doesn’t solve everything. Okay, in this case, it would but he’ll never let it. He plays my body like it’s an instrument. I want to hate it, but man does he know how to please me. Never go to bed mad, he says, but what woman doesn’t go to bed mad about something, I wonder as I look over at his sleeping form. I am mad. I’ve been mad for a while and I don’t think I’ll ever get over this. I want more children and he’s withholding them from me. I’m at the point where I am not above tricking him to get what I need from him. He barely lets me talk about the possibility of more kids before he’s shutting me down. At first, he tugged on my heartstrings but now, it’s all about him.
What about me?
I know I could adopt. I know there are a lot of babies out there that need a home and one day I might do that, but I know myself. I want to carry another child. I want to be present for the formative months, not have to relieve it with pictures and videos taken by my brother-in-law. I feel ungrateful, but I can’t help it. I know Jace put his life on hold to help us but dammit, I’m angry. It never should have happened. It was a freak thing, and it won’t happen again, but Max won’t even hear of it.
Maybe I’m being selfish, but I don’t care. He promised me things just the same as I promised him things. I suppose I could just stop taking my birth control. Women have been doing it since the fifties to trap their men, but do I really want to be that kind of woman? I am almost at the point of saying fuck it, yes I do, but could I live with myself? No, of course not. Laying here and raging about it isn’t helping anything.
I try to sleep, but it’s no use. Eventually, I get out of bed and throw my robe on. Heading down the hall, I go into the kid’s room. My little joys.
Serena and Dale are sound asleep, but my little Max Attack is sitting up in his crib, playing quietly.
“Hi baby,” I whisper.
“Mama,” he says, giving me his little grabby hands. I pick him up and carry him out to the living room. My babies are almost two now and while they don’t remember the early months, I do. I grab him some juice and take him over to the couch. He loves this show on Netflix about a miraculous ladybug. I think it’s just the colors, but he likes the music too. It’s one of those shows I don’t mind that it’s always on. I am a little ashamed to say that I became obsessed with it and hated how it ended. I mean they really didn’t end up together? I can’t even. Max drinks his juice and climbs up onto my lap and snuggles into me. I love the solitary time I carve out with each of them. Max is my night owl.
I hate that I am not as content with the THREE babies I already have as I should be, but I wanted a huge family. I was so lonely growing up, I never considered less than five kids. I lay down on the couch with him snuggled into my side. He’s still watching the TV as I start to drift off.
