Hope flared in my heart. Maybe I could be with Kill after all. But it died quickly, like a firework on the Fourth of July. “No, you did the right thing. I'll be out of here tomorrow, just as soon as I graduate. I don’t know if he would even forgive me for lying to him. I need to think about what I want to do next. Thanks for the warning. I'll see you tonight.”
We hung up, and I stared at my darkened phone. He hadn’t stayed to pursue his dream. Even after I’d shattered his heart he’d still chosen me.
I hoped they would get another deal quickly. They were too talented not to. Hell, during our last conversation, Kill had told me D made all sorts of new contacts while they were out on tour before I’d told him the lie of all lies. They should have stayed.
Knowing Kill was less than five miles away from me was a new type of torture. My body physically hurt at his closeness. It took great effort to push my misery away.
I went into the kitchen and distracted myself by making a potpie. Unfortunately, it didn’t take as much time as I thought it would. Desperate, I looked up dessert recipes online until I found a complicated one I had all of the ingredients for. I followed the directions to painstaking perfection and was extremely pleased by how it turned out.
While I waited for Ryan, I made the decision to write the second half of my book. My goal was to have enough writing done I wouldn't be stuck working in the biology lab long. The outcome of my life may have been unknown, but I was happy to take control of Hope's life. I wanted to make hers perfect.
As I wrote the scene in which Hope walked into the bar and made eye contact with the lead singer, Skull, of the bar band Skull Fracture tears ran down my cheeks.
Writing about Kill and all of the other misfits who’d burrowed into my heart and become my family was bittersweet. When I described Skull, I went into intricate detail, wanting to capture the beauty I’d seen in Kill the first time I laid eyes on him.
I’d almost finished writing about the first night I’d met Kill when Ryan opened the door. After saving my work, I walked into the kitchen to greet her. When she opened the fridge door and saw the dessert I’d crafted, her eyes grew wide.
“Holy shit, Faith. Are you sure you don’t want to move in? This looks amazing. Can we skip dinner and go straight for dessert?” The puppy dog eyes she threw at me before turning back to stare at the sugary treat made me laugh.
“No, I made a chicken potpie too. Now, be a good girl and eat your dinner...and then you can have dessert.”
She busted out laughing when I attempted to give her a stern look. “You're lucky I love chicken potpie, or I’d steal this and run into my room, lock the door, and not open it until I devoured the whole thing.”
“You wouldn’t,” I said, shutting the fridge door in mock horror.
“Are you really questioning me?” she asked, leaning against the fridge with a defiant look.
“Let’s eat, and I promise to give you the bigger half.”
“Deal.”
We scarfed down dinner, and then started on dessert. Not bothering with plates, we took the decadent chocolate cake into the living room and demolished the whole thing.
“Damn, chickie. I think I just gained twenty pounds in one sitting.”
“I hope I can fit into my cap and gown tomorrow,” I said, stretching out on the floor with a pillow behind my head.
We lay on the floor digesting, both of us attempting to pull out of our food coma by watching bad TV. We avoided the topic of Kill and Matt at all costs.
I woke up to the sound of Ryan snoring next to me. Nudging her awake, I said goodnight and told her I was going to bed. She didn't have as much energy as I did and ended up crawling onto the couch.
After setting my alarm, I fell into bed. My head produced Kill’s face as soon as I closed my eyes. Instead of pushing it away immediately I permitted myself to get caught up in him. I fell asleep with his face as the last thing on my mind.
When my alarm screeched the next morning, I contemplated throwing it across the room. Reminding myself today was the day I would be leaving Portland was the motivation I needed to heave myself out of bed. I packed everything I had used in the past two days and loaded my car. As soon as graduation was over, I would get on the road, wanting to put as much distance between Kill and me as possible.
My dad and Martha rented a car, so I would ride with them to the graduation ceremony. I wanted everything ready for a quick escape. With all my stuff packed, I took a shower and joined Ryan in the living room for a cup of coffee. I lounged in my robe not wanting to change until it was time.
When I heard a car pull up, I ran outside to give my dad and Martha a hug. My dad ushered me back in the house, scanning the neighborhood to make sure nobody had gotten a glimpse of his daughter in her robe.
I cooked a huge breakfast, and we talked and laughed as we ate. We avoided the subject of Kill and the boys entirely—the only reason I was able to stomach the food. Martha caught my eye and winked. I smiled back at her, knowing she’d reigned my dad in on the subject.
My dad and Martha sat on the couch with Ryan while I got ready. I’d had appointments earlier in the week to get my toes and hair done. I’d wanted to look my best when Kill came home. I flipped off my painted toenails along with my equally manicured fingernails.
My hair was in big curls I let fall down my back, and I vowed I would leave it down—at least until after the ceremony. I accented my eyes by applying a thick layer of mascara. Hoping it might subconsciously keep me from crying. I wore a dark-navy sailor dress and paired it with blue high heels adorned with little sailboats.
When I was ready, I stepped out carrying my cap and gown in its bag. My dad saw me first and started blinking back tears.
“Dad, don’t,” I ordered, panicking as I ran over to him.
