“I don’t think you need any more tonight, Killian,” I said, letting the sweetness in my voice hide the pain.
“Ahh, don’t worry about me, Faith. I'm sure I can find a ride home.”
The girls circled him like vultures and giggled. "I'll give you a ride home," one of the skanks on his lap purred, stroking his shirt.
"I'll give you any kind of ride you want," skank number two said. The ones too slow to make it onto his lap tittered behind him whispering things into his ear, I couldn't hear, thankfully. I turned and walked toward the bar, D keeping pace next to me. My mouth was in a tight line, as I didn’t trust myself to speak.
I hadn’t taken more than five steps before Kill called out, telling me he wanted a beer and to put whatever hisfriendswanted on his tab. I refused to turn and just kept walking, D silently shadowing me.
"The boys want the usual. Kill wants a beer and said to put whatever the skank patrol orders on his tab," I told Ryan, my whole body pulsing rage.
"I think Kill has had enough tonight," Ryan said, her eyes focused over my shoulder on Kill.
"Don't worry; he's not driving. He has a ride home." I snatched my full tray off the bar, so I could deliver the drinks and then get away from everyone for a moment.
Ryan motioned Catcher over, leaning over the bar to talk to him. He glanced over at Kill, making us aware of whom they were talking about. D grabbed my elbow before I could move.
“This is what he does, Faith. Honestly, it lasted longer than I expected, but he can’t be with just one woman. I'm glad you didn’t let him in so he could hurt you. Let him be your friend. It will be better for you and for the rest of us.” D motioned me with his hand to look over at the table.
Kill now had three girls sitting on his lap. I wanted to correct D in his assumption, to let him know why Kill was acting the way he was, but realized there was no point in arguing now.
I’d hurt Kill, and from the looks of it, he was never going to allow another person to get close to him again. Instead, it seemed he would now be bouncing from one meaningless person to the next, or maybe more than one at a time.
Van’s face was filled with concern, but he didn’t say anything when I reached the table. Amy and Jet left to play pool at the other side of the bar. D followed them, leaving Van to play babysitter.
“Thanks, Faith,” Kill replied. His voice had sobered up some, and he was shifting the girls off of his lap. He stood and downed his beer in one gulp, banging it on the table before heading off toward the bathroom.
My senses felt light, as if I was having an out of body experience. I went around to make sure all my tables were taken care of, not really present in the moment. Kill made his way toward Catcher. I watched them talk, Catcher frowning as Kill spoke. When they finished, Catcher shook his head and slapped Kill on the back before he returned to his skanks.
Denise met me while I was at the bar waiting for Ryan. Her eyes were comforting when she hugged me. "What's up with that boy? Why is he acting stupid?" she asked.
I opened my mouth, but when the words refused to come, I shrugged, pretending I had no idea what she was talking about.
Her eyes drilled into mine before she patted my back. "It will all work out, Faith. He never was a one woman man. That's a rockstar for you."
"We were never together. He's not my problem."
She grabbed her full tray and walked away, leaving me to stew in my own thoughts.
Jessie finally caught up to me near the end of our shift. The last time I’d looked toward Kill, I couldn't make him out through the thick wall of sluts surrounding his table. I refused to look over again. Thankfully, Bambi had the night off. I wouldn’t have been able to handle herI told you solooks all night.
“What the heck is going on?” Jessie asked when most of the bar had emptied out, and I couldn't avoid her any longer.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, glancing over at Kill’s table, still unable to make out his profile amidst the sea of whores.
Jessie followed my gaze and shook her head before bringing her attention back to me. “I’m assuming the reason you came in tonight looking like you’d been crying your eyes out has to do with that over there.”
She glanced back at Kill’s table. I kept my eyes trained on her, not wanting to witness anymore.
“Are you going to tell me what this is all about?”
I blinked the traitorous tears back. This bar had seen enough of my tears; I wasn't shedding another one. “Not really, no,” I answered, figuring it was in my best interest to give her some form of explanation though, in the hopes it would be enough to keep her from asking more questions.
“You warned me to stay away, and I did just that. He lost interest in the chase just like you said he would."
Jessie hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear. “I almost thought you’d be the one who’d change him. Ifyoucan’t, I guess nobody can. Aren't you glad you didn't get involved any further with him?” She let me go and headed to the bar.
Anger flared inside me. Everyone assumed it was Kill who had ruined what we might have had, when in reality it had been me who’d hurt him. All he asked for was a real chance, not a secret relationship and I had denied him.
I was drained when the bar shut down. Throughout the night, I’d ignored the pity stares and theI told you solooks. Mentally and physically, I was over the whole day. When I walked through the front door at home, Kill wasn't there. An image of him making out with one of the disease-riddled sluts at the table ran through my head, making my stomach pitch forward. I quietly tip-toed upstairs and pressed my ear to his door. As I stood there in the darkened hallway, I was met with complete silence.
He really was gone.
