“Trip told me. He was worried Brian and Renee’s relationship was going to become more public and didn’t want me to get the wrong impression. He needs good friends. He was and still is surrounded by people who just want to leech off him and have no regard for his wellbeing.”
“I thought coaches and players weren’t supposed to fraternize at all.”
Shut up, McKenna.
Why was I arguing with Coach Mae when she was practically giving me her blessing to continue my friendship with Trip?
“Well, this is a special situation. Trip won’t be your coach for the whole season. And he explained you two are friends. You’re a good girl, Raine. I know you wouldn’t do anything that would get you in trouble.
“You’ll be good for him, and I don’t see a problem with you two being friends. I already noticed he isn’t in the tabloids like he was. I’m not sure if that’s your doing or his PR Company, but I like what’s happening with him. Just be careful and smart like I know you are. If the team found out it wouldn’t play out good at all. ”
“I’ll do my best to be his friend and keep it away from the team. You know how much I love the Pappies. If I can keep their star pitcher from missing another season by being his friend and stopping him from doing something stupid, then just call me super friend.”
The word friend stuck in my throat like a spoonful of peanut butter as Coach Mae laughed at my weird rambling answer.
“You’re a good person, McKenna. You’re going to go far in life. I’m proud of you. Most girls wouldn’t be able to be his friend.” She stopped and looked me dead in the eye.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you’ve seen him. Hell, I remember you having a huge crush on him when you first started with the team. Trip has assured me you really are just his friend, and you treat him like you would any friend. That’s what he needs.”
“You can count on me, Coach.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Coach Mae squeezed my shoulders before climbing on the bus, a smile stretched across her face. As she happily boarded, I forced my feet to make it up the three steps and shuffle down the aisle.
Her words rang loud and clear. Coach never did anything without thinking it through and having the next four moves already planned out. To anyone who overheard, Coach Mae’s words were just what they were.
But I watched her and listened to her for years and I just received a warning. I needed to make sure I stayed friends with Trip and only friends. She was letting me know she was aware Trip and I had a bond and she was going to be keeping a close eye on it.
When I collapsed on the seat in the back of the bus I closed my eyes. Hitting the recline button, I pressed my fingers into my frontal sinuses, hoping to relieve the pressure.
An ice pack landed on my shoulder. My nose burned as tears raced up the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, not really sure what my emotional upswing was about.
A frustrated breath pushed out of me. I hated being this girl. My whole life I was facts. Things that were continuous and could be counted on no matter how crazy life decided to get.
Like Coach Mae reminded me, I always did the right thing. The only time I allowed drama to enter my life was when there was an injustice. Even then I knew the right path to take.
My friendship with Trip was unsteady. There wasn’t any right or wrong, black and white. Well, there was a wrong, at least in the eyes of the school and the team. Trip was my coach and should only be seen as such. Being his friend wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t exactly right either.
The maddening thing was I wasn’t able to research what I should do. I couldn’t even collect data to make an educated guess on if I was doing the right thing. This was uncharted territory and now there was a watchdog making sure I stayed on a course that I couldn’t even see.
I refused to acknowledge the pain I felt when Coach Mae explained Trip was the one who told her about us. He planted the friendship banner deep in the ground, cementing me in the friend zone and locking me in with no way out.
Disgust at my spoiled and hurt thoughts colored my internal dialogue. Trip said from the beginning he wanted to be friends and only friends. In the time we’d spent together at no point had he been anything but friendly. Maybe he flirted, but that was just Trip’s personality. He probably didn’t even realize when he looked at me with smoldering eyes.
It was the pathetic teenage girl with a monster size crush on him who was hurt. Trip ensured we’d never be anything else when he told Coach Mae about our friendship, and I wondered if it was his roundabout way of making sure I didn’t fall in love with him.
I had two choices, and I needed to decide now. Stop being friends with Trip and finish the rest of the season, the smart thing to do. The McKenna thing to do. I would graduate, take my NPTE, and start the takeover of Dr. Bert’s office. The plan I’d been executing since high school.
Or continue to be Trip’s friend. Walk the line between right and wrong. Stand directly in the gray area. Continue to convince myself I wasn’t starting to have deep feelings for a man who only saw me as a friend, acompadre, anamigo.
A man who really needed a friend. A friend like me who wouldn’t fall for his charm or his shit. One that would give him the truthful answer even if he didn’t want to hear it.
My choice was made before I analyzed them. I gave Trip my word. My word was something I refused to go back on. Even when it meant riding the unknown and quite possibly messing everything up.
“You’re going to grind your teeth down if you keep clenching your jaw like that.” Trip’s hushed voice brought me back to the present.
