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“Death would have been an easier way out for him,” I murmur.
“Exactly, and he deserves no less than this,” Eli responds.
I’m overcome with guilt, shame, and so much more. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone—this pain and suffering—yet I can’t bring myself to pity the man in front of me. Because to feel sorry for him would mean forgiving him for what he did. And I can’t ever let myself forget what he tried.
Just like I couldn’t forgive myself for what Chris did to me … and for what I did to him.
“It’s a continuous cycle of guilt,” I whisper, tears welling up in my eyes.
He nods slowly, and it feels as though the world is unraveling before me. “Now you understand.”
“Who decides what punishment is given?” I ask in a moment of clarity.
His face darkens and his voice remains emotionless. “I do.”
I swallow again. “I thought you kept all of us in those rooms upstairs.”
“The ones who deserve nothing get nothing,” he responds.
“How do you decide what punishment to give them then?” I ask.
A filthy smirk forms on his lips. “It depends on the person and their sin. Some require solitude or torture … others require sex.”
I gulp, thinking about all the ways he made me come, all the ways he got me on my knees, just so I could remember. Seeing that knife resting in the chair that day I finally realized what I’d done; it was all a part of his plan.
I gaze into his eyes, trying to discover what he’s thinking, but all I see is my own reflection staring right back at me. I could look away, but I can’t.
“Hurts to see, doesn’t it?” he asks, placing a hand on the wall right beside me, trapping me inside. “To watch them suffer.”
“I don’t understand …” My own emotions is what I wish to say, but I don’t dare to say it out loud for fear of what it means … What it makes me.
“Can you imagine what I’ve been going through doing what I do …” He entwines his fingers through my hair, toying with a strand as he inches closer. “To you.”
“This is not the same thing,” I retort, determined not to succumb to his overbearing presence even though I want nothing more than for him to take me back into the safety of my comfortable little room … where he can fuck me until the sun comes up and goes down again.
But that’s exactly why he’s doing this. So I’ll yield and promise never to escape again. So I’ll let him have me and love me. Because this is the alternative.
Because knowing the truth hurts.
But I won’t falter.
“Tell me more,” I say through gritted teeth.
“What’s there to tell?” he muses. “We hurt people for a living. You already knew that.”
“Who else was in here?”
He swallows, his tongue briefly dipping out to slide along the edge of his lips, and I can’t help but focus on it. “C’mon.”
Suddenly, he leans away again, and I’m left panting and with buckling knees. Slapping some sense into myself, I force myself to keep up and follow suit.
He points at another door. “Have a look.”
When I do, I see the other man who harassed me at Joe’s. The one Eli put a gun to his head. His hands and feet are covered in blood. “Oh my …God.”
“God isn’t present in these chambers,” Eli says.
“No … no wonder why you said this was hell.”
It wasn’t merely a figure of speech.
“This guy has been here the longest,” he says.
“Number seven,” I mutter.
“Hmm?”
I quickly look away. “Nothing.”
With his brows furrowed, he stares at me for a few seconds. “We only managed to bring the other two in after your escape.”
My stomach feels heavy like it’s about to turn inside out.
“And now you know what we do,” he says.
I turn to face him. “This is what you wanted to show me? What you wanted me to know?” The sting is too much to ignore. “What was your plan? To show me so I’d cower and do what you want? To remind me I could end up here too?”
His pupils dilate, and his body tenses. “No. I would never, ever.”
“Really?” I put my hands against my side. “Because it sure seemed like that’s what you were warning me about.”
He cocks his head, rage exploding like a volcano in his eyes. “I did everything to keep you away from here. This is Soren’s domain. And I do not ever want you in his clutches.”
“Soren’s domain?” I pause, my lips still parted, but then it hits me. “When Tobias said he wanted me to be punished, this is what he meant, wasn’t it?”
When Eli nods, the adrenaline spikes like a drug, making me hyper aware of my environment, and I feel the sudden need to turn around and run.
