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But of course he knew. In fact, it must’ve been his idea for Mary to take me.
I swallow down the doubt even though I find it so hard to believe, but I am here, in the flesh, alive and in the outside world.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but I saw the pain in his eyes, and I know that whatever it was, it hurt him gravely,” she says.
She looks me in the eye, making it hard to look away even though I desperately want to ignore what she just said. But it’s hard, so damn hard. Because no matter how much I tried to tell myself I don’t care … I do.
He’s not the only one who’s changed.
“Well, anyway, I don’t want to derail you.” She grabs a small purse and opens it up, pulling out my phone and my wallet. “These are yours.”
I’m torn from my thoughts and dropped back into the real world. The world in which I’m finally free.
“Thanks,” I say as she hands me back the personal items that Eli confiscated when he first took me. My hand hovers over the door handle. “So I’m … free? Completely free?”
“Whatever you wanna do, go do it,” she says.
“And he’s not coming back to chase me?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”
I pause as she smiles. “This is so strange.”
She shrugs again. “Sometimes life is strange.” She leans over me and opens the door for me. “Now, go. Live your life. Have fun.”
I smile and give her a quick hug. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” she says.
I swiftly push the door open before she changes her mind. The smell of fresh air, the sound of people bustling about, it’s all just a little too much, and I start to cry.
Home again. For the second time.
True freedom to do and go as I please.
Yet it still feels like a hollow victory.
I sigh as Mary waves at me one last time before she drives off, and I’m left with a feeling of disconnect, a feeling of not belonging. As though I’ve been stripped of the thing that made me … me.
I sigh and close my eyes, trying to center myself, but the noise makes it hard.
I wonder if it’ll ever get easier … by myself.
I shiver at the thought.
Having to face this world alone was never my strongest point, but now? Now it feels like a monumental task, especially without him.
Eli.
I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about him.
About how he’s still in that House, chained to his own rules, while I’m here out in the free world. Did he ever think of just letting it all go? Of abandoning it all and running away with me?
I walk toward my old apartment building, but I can’t shake my thoughts of him. Of what he’s doing right now or whether he’s thinking about me. I don’t know why I care so much or why I’m even thinking about it, but I am.
He let me go.
Of all the things I expected him to do, that was not it.
He made it very clear that he intended to keep me as a prisoner, even when I vowed never to love him back. So why the sudden change?
Was it because of how I reacted to him showing me the woman who seduced Chris? Because I wanted him to let her go, despite my infernal hatred for her?
Or was it because of something else?
I step into the elevator and rub my arms, feeling cold to the bone. When the doors close and I’m shut off from the world, it feels like the silence will kill me.
I’m not used to this feeling of despair, this hopelessness, and I hate it. The only time it disappears is when I think of having his arms around me, keeping me warm.
I sigh to myself.
When did I fall?
Was it so easy that I didn’t even notice?
The thought makes me want to slap myself. I’m foolish for ever having wanted a man like him. For ever letting him get close because I thought I could change him. Because I thought he would save me from myself.
But as the doors of the elevator open, I can’t even bring myself to move.
Maybe his intent wasn’t just to save me.
Maybe it was for me to save him.
A shiver courses up and down my spine, but I ignore it and step out into the hallway. The familiar musty smell of my building calms me. My apartment is right up ahead. My heart is pounding. Right in front of it, I pause and listen. There aren’t any sounds. Maybe the landlord hasn’t rented it out yet. Maybe I still have time.
Besides, it’s okay to have a peek, right?
I rummage in the bag Mary gave me and find my key. She even packed it for me, and it warms my heart. “Thanks,” I murmur even though she can’t hear me.
