“Oh dear.” Kiersten squinted down at the book, reading over Piper’s shoulder. “There’s a rule here aboutexercise. Rule number three. Keeping up appearances.”
“Try on your wedding dress on each anniversary,” Rosamund read aloud. “If you can’t fit into it, consider this a warning sign and a wake-up call. Exercise, nutrition, and a healthy diet are important not just for maintaining your body, but for maintaining your marriage. Don’t let yourself go. If you lose interest in your body, your husband will too. And he might find something more interesting at the office, in a bar, or on a business trip.”
“It’s like paying someone to make you feel bad,” Rosamund said.
Kiersten frowned. “This sounds a lot like the advice Dickie gave Dottie back in 1965.”
“Don’t ‘let yourselfgo’?” Piper snorted indignantly. “Who in the world would paymoneyfor this?”
Kiersten glanced at the front cover. “A lot of people, apparently. It’s aNew York Timesbestseller.”
“Let me see that.” Piper grabbed the book and paged through it. “Listen to this one. ‘Never argue with your husband unless it’s truly important. Let him believe that he guides you when it comes to masculine topics like politics and money.’”
Piper tossed the book onto the table. “This is such a steaming pile of—”
The doorbell rang, interrupting her words. She glanced out the window.
And there on Kiersten’s front porch, as though summoned by these disparaging words, stood the Influencer.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kiersten
Kiersten glanced at Piper and Rosamund as she opened the door and invited Aspen inside. They all looked guilty, like people onLaw & Orderwho claimed they were home watching television alone on the night someone murdered their archnemesis.
“We were just getting organized for our first day of homeschooling,” Kiersten explained.
“Then my timing is perfect!” Aspen lifted her shoulders in a perky shrug. “I just wanted to bring you some muffins for luck, and this too.” She handed Kiersten a canvas bag filled with the same books they’d just been looking at. “To help you get started with your new way of life.”
“Gosh, thank you so much.” She gestured to the books on the dining room table. “But I already ordered them.”
“That’s so cool! You can give the extra copies to your friends.” Aspen gestured to Piper and Rosamund. “Good to see you again.”
“Lovely to see you too,” Rosamund said with a gracious smile.
Aspen clasped Rosamund’s hand in hers. “I’m so glad you’ve decided to live your lives withintention.”
“Oh,absolutely,” Rosamund said firmly as she disentangled her hands from Aspen’s clutching fingers.
“Look, I don’t want to interrupt you,” Aspen said. “I just wanted to drop some things off to help you get started. I recommend starting withThe Happy House Life, and thenThe Happy House Life WorkbookandThe Happy House Life Schedule. Do the workbook first, to figure out your core values.”
“Our core values,” Piper repeated. “Right.”
Kiersten glanced at her. Piper looked polite, but she could swear she saw the corner of her mouth twitch.
Aspen nodded. “We use ourcore valuesto make our Happy House Lifeserenity schedule. Then we go throughThe Happy House Life Cookbookto make our weekly meal plan, which I call theTable of Sustenance.”
They gave her a blank look, and she elaborated. “It’s a play on words.The Table of Sustenanceworkbook is set up like agridor like, you know, a sort of mathematicaltable, but it’s about food, and you eat foodat a table,” she finished, looking pleased with herself. “I came up with that one morning in the shower.”
Rosamund gave her a brilliant smile. “I love a good double entendre.”
Aspen frowned, obviously unfamiliar with the term, then gave a cheerful shrug. “Anyway, we incorporate the Table of Sustenance meal prep into our serenity schedule.”
“Got it.” Kiersten nodded enthusiastically to make up for Piper’s decidedly more muted response.
“I know it sounds like a lot.” Aspen wrinkled her adorable nose. “But if you have any questions, you can always ask me, since I’m, like, right next door.”
“Would you like to join us?” Kiersten asked. “For homeschooling, I mean?”
