“I really was looking forward to hearing your speech,” she told him at last. “I think it would have been really good.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that great.”
“But you do seem disappointed not to have been able to give it.”
He shrugged. “I told you, it’s not that big a deal to me. I just feel like I wasted my time writing it, that’s all.”
She waited. That wasn’t all. She could feel it. There was more, and if she was quiet, maybe he would keep talking.
Elijah sighed. “It’s just that he always does this.”
“Asks you to write speeches?”
“No, not speeches—not necessarily. I really don’t care about the speech. It’s the way he looks at me, you know? It’s the things he says. He pulled my speech because he was convinced that I was going to say or do something to embarrass him. But I wouldn’t have. It was going to be good. Maybe he’d have even liked it, if he had given it a chance.” He raked a hand through his hair. “That’s the thing. He always starts from the assumption that I’m going to let him down. He just decides that’s what’s going to happen.”
“Always?” Stephanie felt sick to her stomach.
Was that true? Maybe she had judged the situation too hastily. All right, so Elijah was a bit of a player, and he had certainly wasted no time in putting the moves on her. But that didn’t make him a terrible person. And yet, when his father had explained to her that he needed someone to babysit him and keep him out of trouble, she had just accepted that without question. She had stepped in to fill that role, never allowing herself to think that maybe Oliver Norcross was underestimating his son.
It isn’t any of my business… is it?
It wouldn’t have been before. When this had all started, she wouldn’t have been able to summon an opinion about whether Oliver Norcross was being fair to Elijah. It was nothing to do with her. But it did matter now. Like it or not, she’d picked a side when she had agreed to Oliver’s deal. And now, for the first time, she was wondering whether she had chosen the wrong side.
The Ferris wheel ground to a halt, leaving the pair of them suspended at the very top. The gondola rocked slowly back and forth. Elijah gazed out at the world below.
“I know it’s kind of silly,” he said at last. “I know I shouldn’t care. But… I can’t help it. I want him to approve of me. I want him to think I’m living well, and not to doubt all my choices. As it is, I feel like he flinches every time I walk into a room. He looks at me like I’m a stick of dynamite that might explode and mess up his whole life.” He shook his head. “I am not the son that man wanted, that’s for sure.”
“But I don’t see why,” Stephanie said. “What’s his problem with you? Why is he so unhappy?”
“He wanted someone serious and business-oriented to take over when he retired,” Elijah explained. “I think he still wants me to do it, but he definitely questions whether I’m capable or not. Sometimes I wonder whether he would have retired years ago if he thought I was up to the task. I know he’s nowhere near ready to leave the company in my hands.”
“But you do want it?” she asked him.
“I want him to think I could handle it, that’s all,” he said. Whether I want it or not… it almost feels irrelevant. He thinks I’ll burn the place down.”
“Metaphorically, I hope.” She was going for humor, but it didn’t seem to land the way she had hoped it would. He gave her a small smile, but nothing more.
Stephanie leaned forward, bracing her knees on her elbows. Her movement caused the gondola to rock slightly, and Elijah leaned in too, to balance it out. He seemed to have done so without really thinking about it, but Stephanie was immediately aware of how close together the two of them were. She could smell him, warm and musky, and for the first time, she wanted to kiss him.
If I’m ever going to do that, it should be tonight. Tonight is the night when nothing counts, the night when it doesn’t matter what his father would say. Tonight I have permission to do whatever I want to. At least, I think I do.
But she couldn’t. It would have been dishonest, and that mattered more tonight than it ever had, somehow. She sat back quickly, determined to avoid falling any deeper into the moment than she already had.
The Ferris wheel began to move again. That seemed to break the spell, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Elijah looked away once more.
“I don’t know,” he murmured. “I just wish there was a way I could show him that I’m not what he thinks I am. That I’m better than that, even if I’m not the picture-perfect son he hoped I’d be. I’m not a mirror image of him, but that doesn’t mean I’m a complete failure, and I wish he saw that. That’s all.”
“Give him time,” Stephanie suggested, feeling helpless. “Maybe he will.”
But Elijah was right. What he was describing… that was exactly the way his father had spoken about him. She knew now that he didn’t see it that way. He believed he was more together than Oliver did. But she couldn’t be sure which one of them was right.
They swung around to the bottom of the Ferris wheel. The ride came to a stop, and the operator opened the door. “Hope you folks had a nice trip!” he beamed.
They got out. Stephanie cast about for something to say and came up empty-handed. It was Elijah who found words.
“Shall we go down on the beach?” he asked her. “Take a walk?”
“I’d like that,” she agreed.
