Could I really do that? Do I have it in me?
“So what do you think?” Oliver pressed her. “Will you see him again? I’d like us to continue our arrangement a little longer, as I said. We can go week by week. Even one more week would be incredibly helpful to me. And we can talk about increasing the amount of the loan, or if there’s something else I can do to make it worth your while… if there’s anything you can think of, please let me know. Just having him seen around town with you is making a big difference, I think. That article really showed me what was possible.”
Stephanie gritted her teeth.
She still didn’t know what her decision was. She still didn’t know how to choose between Oliver and Elijah. If she told Oliver that she was going to continue seeing Elijah because they had formed a real bond, it would be only a matter of time before Elijah found out why she had come into his life in the first place.
Maybe it’s unavoidable. Maybe he’s going to find out about that no matter what I do.
There was one thing she did know for sure, though. The realization had hit her the moment she had opened her mouth to answer Oliver’s question—and had realized that there was one answer she wouldn’t be able to force out, no matter what.
“Yes,” she told Oliver. “Of course I’d like to go on.”
“Well, that’s great.” She could hear relief in his voice. He’d really wanted this. “We can renegotiate the terms when you’re ready. I’ll give you some time to think about what you’d considerappropriate, and then you can email me—we should probably have it in writing, don’t you think?”
She hummed noncommittally. The idea of having it in writing made it worse somehow. Maybe she could tell him she didn’t want any further compensation—but how could she possibly say that? It would make the whole thing look suspicious and incomprehensible.
“I’ll email you,” she said, though she had no idea what the contents of that email would be.
“Good,” Oliver said. “And I’ll reach out to you as well. One way or another, we’ll get this all squared away. I’m so glad we’re going to go on working together, Ms. Vincent—or may I call you Stephanie now, since we have an established relationship?”
The use of her first name made Stephanie cringe, but how could she refuse? “Stephanie is fine.” Even now, Elijah might be thinking about introducing her to his father. He had wanted to do that at the event last night, she thought. She’d believed he was going to. If it hadn’t been for the argument between the two of them, it would have happened.
She hung up the phone, feeling shaky and ill-equipped to manage everything that was on her mind.
One day, before too long, that idea she had just imagined would become a reality. There would be no avoiding it. She would be in a room with Elijah and Oliver at the same time, and an introduction would be made. And when that happened, she would have to pretend that she was meeting Oliver for the first time. He would play along, of course, but she had never expected to find herself so reluctant to lie to Elijah.
I should end this right now,she realized.
It wasn’t going to get any easier. There was no path through it that would lead her anywhere good. There was only one way it could possibly end—with Elijah finding out the truth. Either that, or she would simply have to go on lying to him indefinitely. Neither option was a good one.
She didn’t want to end things with him. Especially not after last night. But if she cut ties right now, she could walk away and at least have hope that he would never find out what she had done. It was always possible that Oliver wouldn’t tell him. It wouldn’t benefit him to tell. He would be better off keeping it to himself. And then Elijah would at least remember her with fondness.
She should walk away.
She should tell him she didn’t want to see him again. She should email Oliver and say that she had changed her mind altogether.
But she couldn’t do it.
Even now, sitting here thinking about it, it felt impossible. The thought of last night kicked up too much excitement in the pit of her stomach, and she hadn’t felt that way with a man in a very long time. She couldn’t walk away. Not now.
One more date. Just one. That will be enough. I’ll know this time that it will be the last one, and I’ll be able to stop after that.
She picked up her phone and checked her texts. Sure enough, there was one from Elijah. It had come over while she was on the phone with his father.
Spooky.
The text was simple and to the point:Give me a call.Before she could lose her nerve, she dialed his number.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey,” he said warmly. “I was hoping you’d call early.”
He was so relaxed. There was no tension at all in his voice, and it brought home to her the difference in their situations. She was grappling with the deal she had made with his father, but he wasn’t even aware that there was a deal. He hadn’t experienced any of the stress she’d felt this morning.
He had no idea.
And yet, even as her guilt intensified, the sound of his voice put her at ease. This would be all right. She didn’t know how yet, but somehow everything was going to work out. It was just going to have to.
“I’m glad you texted,” she told him. “I thought you might play that game of waiting three days.”
