“It’s all right,” she said. “But that made it harder the next time. Even when we were down at the pier together, and I was pretty sure nobody was going to see us, it was hard to relax.”
“Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”
“No,” she said. “It’s nothing like that. I guess… I don’t like the idea of being seen at all.”
She was stunned by how truthful she was being. It felt so good to be honest with Elijah for once, to really open up to him. So muchof their relationship up to this point had been based on lies, and it was freeing to realize that there was room for truth.
“Why wouldn’t you want to be seen?” He frowned, reached out, and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. It was deliciously tender. Stephanie couldn’t hold back a shiver.
“San Valentino is so ritzy sometimes,” she said. “Such a fancy and flashy place. And the truth is, I’m not sure I fit in. It’s like that awards ceremony where we met. Everyone else there was successful and important, a big deal in their field. And then there was me. Since I came to this town, I haven’t felt like I belong here. I haven’t been sure what my place was. All I want is to make my skincare business a success, but sometimes I don’t know if that’s ever going to be a reality.”
“I’m sure it will,” Elijah encouraged her. “You’re so dedicated. So hardworking. I get the feeling from you that you would do anything to achieve your dreams.”
Her gut twisted. He’d meant that as a compliment, she was sure. He couldn’t have known the dagger it would be.
“Sometimes I wonder if that’s true,” she said softly. “And if it is… is it a good thing? Would I really doanythingto reach my goals? Would I go against my true nature? Sacrifice who I really am? Would I do something that seemed immoral if I thought it would help me advance?” She hesitated. “I wasn’t invited to that awards party, you know. I lied to the bouncer and snuck in because I wanted to make connections. And I wonder… how far would I go? What lines would I cross if I thought it would help me succeed?”
It was hard to draw breath. She hadn’t imagined she would come that close to divulging the truth. She couldn’t even look at him.
“You’re a good person,” he told her gently. “Don’t doubt yourself, Stephanie. Even if you’ve had to blur the lines here and there, even if you’ve had to do some things that made you feel surprised at yourself… I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I can see you. I know who you are. You have a great heart.”
Stephanie exhaled slowly.
It felt so good to hear those words from him—but could she believe them? He clearly meant it. And she thought he probably did know her well enough to pass a judgment about her character. It was true that they hadn’t known one another for long, but in the time they’d spent together, there had been some very tender moments. They’d grown close quickly.
But there was a very big thing he didn’t know.
Would he still have said she had a good heart if he had known the truth?
She swallowed hard.Maybe I can accept it anyway. Maybe I can let him see me for who I am at my core. I don’t have to be defined by the fact that I made a deal with his father—that doesn’t have to be the most important thing about me. The fact is that by coming here tonight, I made my choice. I chose Elijah. I can end my arrangement with Oliver and I can just be whoever I am to Elijah… we can leave that messy business in the past.
Her heart felt lighter, and she closed her eyes. For the first time, she allowed herself to let her guilt go.
Releasing it hurt. What she had done was wrong, and there would have been a kind of relief in confessing to Elijah andgetting his forgiveness. But to do that would have caused conflict, and it would have hurt him.
By putting it behind her, she was making an agreement with herself—if things moved forward, Stephanie would have to live with the knowledge that she had been dishonest in the beginning.
That would be painful for as long as Elijah was a part of her life. And that pain would be her penance.
“You’re not like that,” she said. “I mean… you wouldn’t sacrifice yourself for business success.”
“Well, I’ve never cared that much for business success,” Elijah said. He shifted slightly, bringing his body closer to hers, and her heart rate increased again. “I’m supposed to take over for my father, you know, but the way he wants me to live my life to be worthy of that has never appealed to me. I think about the way I grew up. He was never present. I was raised by the housekeeper, for all intents and purposes. And…” He trailed off for a moment, but then kept going. “And if I ever had a kid, I wouldn’t want it to be like that for them. I’d want to be able to be present.”
She glanced at him. “Is that something you want? Kids? A family?”
“I think about it sometimes. I don’t know yet. It’s not something I’m ready to rule out.”
“And here I thought you were just a player.”She smiled to show him she didn’t mean it, but her smile faded quickly. She was too breathless to sustain humor. He was so close to her now.
“If I had a kid of my own,” he murmured, “I’d be the kind of father I always used to wish I had myself. I’d be able to createthe kind of family I always wanted to be a part of. It’s hard not to want that.”
“I hope you get it someday.” Her heart pounded madly. She ached for him to touch her, to relieve some of this tension. And at the same time, she felt more simply fond of him than she ever had. She could love a man like this, a man who wanted to be a good father and could openly admit it, a man who thought she had a good heart…
He leaned in, his eyes fluttering closed, and in the moment before he kissed her, Stephanie saw the way the whole night was going to unfold. She saw herself following him to the bedroom, letting him lay her down on the bed. She saw the moment when he would ask her the question she had always sensed in his mind—do you want to?
And, finally, she knew without a doubt that she would say yes.
CHAPTER 16
