“Not at all,” Dylan said. “But how does that work exactly?”
“Well, I’m not exactly a catch, so I’m not swimming in dates or anything.” Kaiden paused long enough to eye Rus and Dylan, and Rus gathered from his stern stare that he wasn’t fishing for compliments and didn’t want Rus to throw in some polite commentary, so he stayed quiet and listened. “I’ve never been in a relationship. Not even those bad middle school relationships where you get together in first period, then send a breakup note through a friend during lunch or some shit. I’ve just never done the whole dating thing. Yet. It's coming. Once things are right.”
“Why aren’t they right?” Rus asked, genuine and curious.
“I mean, there’s lots of reasons. It used to be my weight,” Kaiden explained. “I used to be really fat. Like really, really big. And there’s nothing wrong with that—plenty of folks get action and are happy with how they look, no matter their size. Good for them, honestly. I wish I could be one of those guys rocking out the thick daddy vibes. But some of us put value in every extra pound…or actually, we take away value in ourselves for every extra pound. And to be clear, I had a lot of extra pounds. So, naturally, I never dated anyone in high school. No one after high school. Then, when I finally lost the weight, I guess I didn’t feel that much better about myself.”
Kaiden shrugged, tightening his stomach with a short breath and a pinched expression.
Rus didn’t understand Kaiden’s obsession with being so skinny. Especially since he’d spent his entire life trying to bulk up. He’d kill for Kaiden’s thick thighs and broad frame.
“I guess it kind of still is sometimes,” Kaiden continued, running his fingers along his elegant corset vest. “This helps. Helps me feel more like how I want to be seen, but underneath it, things are rough.”
“No, they’re not,” Dylan said. “You lost over a hundred pounds. That’s fucking amazing.”
Rus’ eyes bulged, stunned and impressed.
“You’re sweet, but please don’t invalidate my feelings.” Kaiden gave a tiny shrug. “It’s okay not to be happy with your body. It’s okay not to have body positivity in yourself, just because someone else said we all look perfect just the way we are. It’s not fatphobic to be disappointed in my looks. I’ve been down that road, losing the unhealthy way, hating myself for the wrong reasons—”
“There’s no right reason to hate oneself,” Dylan interjected, then mimed a zip of his lips.
“True,” Kaiden replied. “But it’s okay to want more. And I want more. Which is why I’ve been on the correct path to weight loss, you know that. My fitness game is better than yours. Better than most of those red pill alpha wannabe douchebags.”
Dylan nodded.
“Well, I’m damn impressed,” Rus said.
“Thank you.” Kaiden gave a soft smile. “I’m happy with the journey I’m on now, and proud of how far I’ve come. How I’ve stuck with it and learned healthier choices, not just starving myself. I just hope one day my body reflects the journey, shows all the hard work and dedication and definition I’ve put into it.”
“So, no dating until your body is a ten?” Dylan asked, leaning down on the bed and propping himself up with his elbow.
“No, I’m actually probably kind of mostly sort of really okay with how I look when it comes to dating,” Kaiden said with a sour expression. “Okay, maybe a few things I’d need to sit down and discuss with the guy beforehand, but yeah. I’m good with how I look. Mostly.”
“So, why no dating?” Rus followed up.
“You haven’t had the displeasure of stopping by my house,” Kaiden said with a chuckle. “It’s a disaster. It’s hard enough finding a guy to meet for a hookup when I can’t host, how the heck am I supposed to date someone? Introduce them to my entire family? My family, who doesn’t even want me hanging a rainbow flag up, let alone have a guy over there.”
“Fuck them,” Rus said sharply.
“I still don’t understand how you’ve never kissed anyone yet have fucked.” Dylan gave an inquisitive look. “How does one pull this off?”
“Easy,” Kaiden said. “Guys don’t give a fuck about kissing.”
“Not true,” Rus said. Kissing was his favorite part. Granted, sometimes it wasn’t always about kissing on the lips, or at least not those lips, but he liked the simple pleasures of pressing his body against another. The joy of tasting someone, the sensations of their body reacting to his touch.
“Well, the guys I’ve messed around with haven’t,” Kaiden explained. “It’s weird making the first move when meeting up with someone for, you know.”
“If you can do it, you can say it,” Dylan said.
“It’s hard dating because I live at home and I can’t exactly bring a guy there. It’s not easy meeting guys out in the world either, like you never know if they’re gay or polite.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” Dylan high-fived Kaiden.
Rus had never really thought about that struggle. When it came to guys, he hadn’t dated any. Not seriously. He hadn’t dated anyone seriously since his high school girlfriend. Things ended rough and sort of zapped out all his emotional bandwidth. It helped that the college scene embraced casual flings and hookup culture. But he’d grown bored of those things, finding sex didn’t fill that empty void his last relationship had left.
“So, when it comes to meeting guys, I turn to apps.”
Dylan hissed. “The devil’s playground.”
