“Why choose, darling?” Lana raised her brows. “And if they find out, just remind them you’re not monogamous until there’s a solid convo stating otherwise.”
“No, not two guys like that.” Rus rocked his head side to side, trying to find the words. “Like, we all kissed. Not at the same time, but sort of. In the same room, together, back and forth. There was a chance of more. Between the three of us.”
“Oooooh.” Lana’s eyes went wide. “Poly boys. Fun. I am so jealous, darling.”
“Don’t be,” Rus said. “I’m not sure what to do. Like, I’m not sure if things fizzled out because, you know, logistics or it being overwhelming or whatever…”
Rus worried that maybe Kaiden or Dylan or both of them just weren’t into him. Maybe Rus was just the necessary conduit to spark the romance they’d been tiptoeing around. They’d been friends for a while. So long, they never realized how they felt for each other. Maybe Rus was getting in the way of what they could have with each other. He didn’t want to be an obstacle to their romance, but he also didn’t want to step aside. Not either of them. Rus wanted both of them.
“Did you consider just talking to them both about it?” Lana asked, pulling Rus from his thoughts.
“Yep, then I ended up coming home for the long weekend.”
“Coward.”
“You’re one to talk.” He regretted the comment the second it left his lips, resenting why he couldn’t just let things lie between them. He always dug up the past with Lana, and she always chased a different future. They just ended up locked in a weird present.
Lana made a gun gesture with her hand, placed it under her chin, and pretended to fire. “That was a critical hit.”
“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”
“And we were being so civil.”
“Perish the thought.” Rus gestured dramatically, placing a hand to his forehead. “It’s so very unlike us, I had to fix it.”
Lana laughed, soft yet carefree. She took one final swing, then jumped off and landed with a firm stance, showing she hadn’t let herself slack off even if she didn’t train as much as once before.
Part of Rus wanted to ask everything she’d been up to since last they spoke. Well, since the last time they shouted at each other. But if he unraveled the mysteries of her days since his absence, he’d spend all night entrapped. All weekend. Unable to tear himself away and return to classes.
“Well, I think you should pursue this little polycule,” she suggested. “You only live once; you might as well love as many people as you can.”
“It’s just kind of complicated.”
“The best romances are.” Lana leaned in closely, lifting her knee and setting it on Rus’ thigh. Her lips almost pressed against Rus’ but she pulled back right as she exhaled.
It left a shiver of reminiscence. Rus contemplated for a fraction of a second what life with Lana would be like. In moments like this, he wanted it with every beat of his heart, but Rus reminded himself that those feelings were fleeting. They were bad together. Quite literally. Rus brought out the worst in Lana, and she ignited his fury for others like no one else.
They’d ruin each other and the world around them if they tried again. Some loves were best left in a memory, reminiscent of the possibility, but mindful not to live the tragic reality. Love couldn’t always fix broken people, and they were two very broken people.
“Glad you came back, Ikky.” Lana backstepped, sauntering away into the woods.
The moonlight illuminated her footsteps, and she twirled around one final time, waving goodbye before disappearing into the dark.
He savored the silence, the quiet, the chance to consider what he wanted and how he’d go about getting it.
Rus wanted Dylan. Rus wanted Kaiden. Rus wanted them to want each other. Most of all, Rus wanted them to want him.
Chapter Thirteen
Dylantexted Rus off and on during his weekend trip, but let him focus on some important essay when he returned to campus. Honestly, Dylan needed a bit more time with his feelings. Well, he needed a bit more time with the perfect bubble of possibilities. Until he knew for certain how everyone else felt, he could daydream about all the positive outcomes.
It sucked that Kaiden continued dodging Dylan, giving short replies to any message, and insisting he was too busy with work to hang out.
So, Dylan focused on his work all Monday, running errands, fixing broken equipment, and pretty much anything to distract himself. Then he prioritized cleaning on Tuesday. Jasmine let him be but reminded him not to clean too thoroughly, as house chores were divided among the residents. She was a stickler for day-to-day life skills, knowing each of the teens would have to fend for themselves soon enough. By Wednesday, he’d taken on the highly dreaded task of inventorying all the recent donations. It was a mountain of work.
After realizing no amount of busy work would settle his nerves, Dylan reached out to Rus again, planning a meetup on Thursday. Once he’d cleared the air with one person, he could theoretically work on sorting things out with Kaiden, too.
Dylan drove to Rus’ on Thursday, a little after lunch, to give him a chance to finish his classes. Feeling a bit antsy, Dylan casually walked around the apartment complex. He hopped onto a wheel stop in an empty parking space, extended his arms wide, and walked along the concrete slab much like he walked a plank. The asphalt became lava in his mind, and Dylan carefully jumped to the next wheel stop, wobbling a bit, but catching himself before tumbling to the pavement.
