“What happens when we want to move in together?”
“My trailer’s big enough for three. Hell, probably more.” Kaiden shrugged. “And we could always look for a bigger place somewhere down the line. Far, far down the line.”
“But I can’t abandon my home, my career,” Dylan said, his face spiraling in unknown worries. “I wouldn’t be as involved if I moved away…”
“Who says we have to live together?” Rus asked.
“That’s what will happen the more serious we become,” Dylan answered. “It’s how relationships work, and I think it’s why I’ve avoided them. I’ve always known to some degree how they would turn out, how I’d have to choose between taking care of Dorothy’s Home or… I don’t even know. Start over? I don’t want to live somewhere else, to work somewhere else.”
“My grandparents have been married for, like, almost fifty years,” Rus said with a calm demeanor, encouraging Dylan to take a breath and pause. “The first ten years of their marriage, he was stationed halfway across the world while she stayed at home raising my mom and her sisters. Then, when he retired, my grandma became one of those traveling nurses, gone weeks or months at a time. They didn’t have half the tech to keep in contact and mostly wrote letters. Still do. In fact, he’s usually working with veterans while she’s off helping build clinics around the world. They make it work. It’s not traditional, but since when do we have to be traditional?”
“True,” Kaiden added, gingerly cupping a hand around Dylan’s face. “You both were the ones who reminded me we didn’t have to follow the rules that others followed.”
“But I hadn’t even really considered things, thinking with my dick or my heart or both,” Dylan said. “We could really just keep things the way they are?”
“I think right now we’re all enjoying having our own space.”
Truthfully, Kaiden didn’t want to live with anyone again for a long time. He’d gladly make room for Rus and Dylan at his place whenever and however they wanted, but it was still his place.That distinction remained important to him after so many years trapped in his family’s home.
“Well, what about kids?” Dylan asked, sparking a new panic for another random possibility of what could be. “What if you end up wanting them?”
“You know I’m not in the headspace to even consider kids,” Rus said, rubbing his thumb over his Valentine’s Day tattoo. “It’s not something I’ve ever really wanted.”
“You could change your mind.” Dylan shrugged frantically. “Ten years from now, you might want kids. Want a picket fence.”
“If in ten years I want a kid or you want one or Kaiden wants one, then we sit down and have that conversation,” Rus said with a sincerity Kaiden admired. “We don’t have to sabotage our relationship over what might happen in a year or five or fifty. We get to enjoy the ride right now, remember?”
Dylan dwelled on that for a minute, considering.
“I’ve never truly just enjoyed the ride,” Dylan admitted. “I play it cool and go with the flow, but I’m a planner. I’ve had to be. I’ve wanted to be. It makes the world a better place when you’re prepared for any possible outcome.”
“You can still prepare for possibilities,” Rus said. “Just maybe don’t let them consume you, consume what we have right now.”
“Instead of preparing for the worst, maybe we prepare for something good,” Kaiden added.
Dylan stood silent for a moment, lost in thought. Kaiden studied his steadying breaths, the ease of tension in his stance, and believed they’d gotten through to him.
“God, you both really are the best. I love you,” Dylan said, the surprise on his face revealing just how vulnerable he was by uttering those three little words.
The fear and vulnerability hummed in the quiet room, radiating off Dylan as he composed himself. Kaiden wondered if the fear on Dylan’s face would flutter away as easily as those words had.
“I love you both, too.” Rus kissed Dylan, soft and tender, taking his time as if to say he loved him all over again.
The pair rested their foreheads together, turning their attention to Kaiden, and offering a chance for him to make his own declaration.
“I mostly just love me, but I suppose…” Kaiden’s face burned bright red. “Kidding. I don’t love myself. That would involve healthy self-esteem. Kidding again. Mostly. Definitely.”
Sometimes Kaiden hated himself for deflecting serious emotions with crappy humor, but at the end of the day, sarcasm helped him keep a safe distance from things that frightened him. And while he cared so deeply for Rus and Dylan, he sometimes worried what would happen when he handed them his heart entirely.
All the same, Kaiden wanted to be happy and honest.
“I do love you both.” Kaiden smiled with blurry eyes. “So much so it scares me.”
“Why’s that?” Dylan asked.
“Because for the first time in my life, I feel complete. You both bring me to life in different ways.” Kaiden’s heart raced. “I feel safe with you, seen by you, and I want you both to see me. All of me.”
Kaiden backstepped, leaving them on the bed as he approached the bathroom. Before either of them could speak, he raised a finger to gesture that he needed a moment. Oh God, how Kaiden needed a moment. More than a moment, really. A lifetime.
