He strode out of the closet.I could hear him rattling around in the hygiene room, running water.I thought about digging out something to change into, shivering in the chilly air in just my underwear – god, I wanted something comfortable and soft against my skin; but there was no way I deserved it; I didn't deserveanythingsoft, I didn't, Ididn't– but Araxis was back before I could leverage myself up.
He looked at me trembling, and slung the damp cloth he'd brought back over one shoulder.Before I could really understand what was happening, he had slipped a soft shirt on over my head, threading my arms – carefully,socarefully – through the sleeves."Sweater or jacket?"he murmured, stroking my hair as I leaned into his touch.
"Jacket," I mumbled, and then he folded me into one of his, which still smelled dizzyingly like his skin.Or maybe I was just dizzy.I couldn't tell.Once he'd pulled a butter-soft pair of lounge pants up over my hips, looping the waist tie carefully, he tilted my face upwards as he stood above me and started brushing the soft cloth over the planes of my face with infinite tenderness.I saw, as he pulled the pale cloth away, that it was covered in green and yellow blood.
My eyelids fluttered, my eyes hot and prickly."Am I in a lot of fucking trouble?"I asked, breathy, as if I'd just been running; a headache throbbed behind my eyes, which ached and burned."Like, I mean, am I being charged with –"
I couldn't saymurder.I couldn't.But that was what I'd done, wasn't it?I'd killed someone.Ihad, with mybare hands.
Araxis's eyes shimmered as he looked down at me, his thumb moving across the shape of my cheekbone.He shook his head, his stare not moving from me, not for a second."You were attacked.You were fighting for your life.There is no crime here, not on Sozamia Station.You did what you needed to do, Sashen."
I didn't know about that.My stare slid past Araxis and to our dark bedroom beyond."Okay," I breathed."But – But how – Who –"
"We do not know yet," said Araxis."But I will find out.I will becertainthat I find out."He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my temple, and I trembled against him, at the feel of his mouth against my skin, the care with which he touched me.
"And you said – You said Elethenn ishere?"
Araxis leaned back, slowly and carefully, but when I looked up, something sharp, maybe wounded, had reshaped his expression.He smoothed it away with some difficulty."He is in the dining room.I thought we could sit down with tea while we wait for the physician to arrive.Rodil, as you suggested.I've sent an inter-ward transport shuttle; the clearances have already come through, so they should be here soon.You could wait here, Sashen, if you like.I can speak to Elethenn."
He was so good at taking care of things.Efficient and competent.
"No, I can come.I want to talk to him too."How had hebeenthere?How did he know how to fight?He sold dumplings.I used to work in security,he'd told me.Maybe that was how.But I still didn't knowwhy.
Araxis watched me, his stare shimmering.I could see him chewing on the inside of his lip, working it between his sharp teeth.He was going to hurt himself if he wasn't careful.He swallowed once, hesitated, and then squared his shoulders."Elethenn is – important to you," he said carefully.
My body was throbbing, my head tight, like it was still beneath that paledrian's relentless grip, squeezed tighter and tighter.I squinted against the bright lights overhead, and Araxis took a half-step back, dimming them without me asking."He maybe saved my life," I said, shaky."And he's a friend, I guess?"
Araxis's chin jerked down a little."Hm.As I am your – friend."
There, in the dim light of our closet, while my body was still shaking with the aftershocks of violence and pain, I stared up at Araxis, all pale skin and dark eyes, black clothes and soft hands, and I shook my head."You're not just my friend.I don't want you tojustbe my friend.I want – All I could think when I realized what was happening, Araxis –" This time, the tears surged readily to my eyes, hot and wet andpainful, "All I could think about was that I should have called you right away.I was supposed to be getting stronger but I didn't, Iwasn't, and I didn't want to die when everything between us is likethis–"
He crossed the space again, folding me gently against his chest, cradling me as a ragged, broken sound left my aching throat.I fisted my violent hands in his clothes, and he kissed the top of my head and said a thousand soft things that were meant to hold me when I was most broken.
I didn't cry for long – I didn't have it in me, too exhausted and spent, each and every muscle protesting every single sob and hitched breath – and Araxis carefully helped me up, saying gently that we should go and see Elethenn now, who had been waiting for some time."Yeah," I said, wincing as we made our way from our bedroom toward the kitchen, step by treacherous step."He's probably a nervous wreck.He'salwaysa nervous wreck."
Next to me, Araxis made a sound that was suspiciously like a snort."Yes," he said evenly, "I suspect that is the case."
When I shuffled into the dining room, Elethenn was waiting, although he wasn't seated at the table.Instead, he was hovering by the counter, a tray before him as he stared emptily at the teapot.
When we stepped into the room, he startled – badly – and then ducked his head, looking pointedly at the ground, hands clasped before him, saying nothing.I thought I could hear a hushed conversation somewhere in the series of rooms that was our creche.
Araxis also said nothing, although he stepped in close to my side and helped me as I sat down on the low cushion with a stifled groan.He adjusted the location of another cushion, settling in so close to me that his body felt like a line of heat at my side.Considering that he was colder than me, I knew it was probably in my head – but it felt real all the same.
"Bring the tea, Elethenn," Araxis said, tone flat, and Elethenn did – lifting the tray and setting it down on the table with a bit of a rattle.He stepped back, then, hands still clasped in front of him, head still bowed."Sit," Araxis said.Imperative sentences, I thought fuzzily, as Elethenn swiftly sat down on the side opposite us, still unable to look up.
We sat in prickly silence as Araxis poured tea into three delicate cups I hadn't seen before.Araxis handed one to me, then placed one in front of Elethenn, his head still bowed.One of Araxis's hands moved to my knee, his thumb brushing against my skin repeatedly, unthinking.Was it meant to soothe me, or was it meant to soothe him?
"Tell me what happened," said Araxis, turning his cup on the table once."Tellus," he added hastily, an amendment.He glanced at me to check in and shifted his knee slightly so that it bumped mine.
I thought I should probably move it away.I should slide out from under his hand.I should straighten up and stop letting my body curve toward him.
I didn't.
Elethenn was very still, his head tipped forward.His crest, dark, was braided tightly at the back of his head, something that would be easy to do on his own."Your virra –" started Elethenn.
"You are addressing both of us," Araxis interrupted."And I know that you know our Sashen's name."
That made Elethenn glance up, startled.His mismatched eyes flicked between us, nervous, uncertain.He swallowed, almost audible in the thick silence of the dining room, and tried again, this time looking directly at me."After you left Andsin Square, I thought I saw someone following you.And given the – unrest, I was worried, so I… followed as well.It was not my intention to overstep," he added with a quick glance at Araxis before ducking his head again, "but I felt that I must do what was right."
