We were sitting in a little room that Rodil had taken over as a medical suite which had, I suspected, originally been intended as a sauna; it had that baked-in wood and steam smell, despite all the polymer, which put me more at ease than I wanted to be.I sat on the edge of the table Rodil had arranged to be installed while they poked and prodded all the places where I'd been scraped and bruised and kicked and which were, by now, totally fine.Basically, anyway.Except for the elbow, but even that was making progress.
I watched Rodil as they worked, muttering under their breath and jotting down made-up numbers on a chart like that was going to impress me or make me any more cooperative.
Clearly, I needed a direct approach.
Once Rodil finished scribbling something down after examining my knuckles for what seemed like the fourteenth time, reminding me firmly to stay put while they updated my file, I kicked my heels a little against the table and said, "You sureyoudidn't arrange for this whole attack thing to happen just so I'dhaveto take a break?Kind of fucked up, I've got to say."
The words landed but the joke didn't – it wasn't my finest work – and Rodil's neck stiffened immediately, their hand stilling on the chart."That is – absurd.And – andhurtful, Sashen."Their voice was strained, shocked, like I'd just knocked the wind out of them.
"I don'tmeanit," I said, irritated."It's just – I know you said I should heal up on my own and it's good for me tofeelthings, even if those things are frustration, but it's been a long time!I'm ready to get back to training."
"It has beensevendays.AndI’ve said that you might begin some light training nearby."They turned, mouth a hard, thin line, cheeks tight, upset for a reason I couldn’t quite follow.
I'd already promised that I'd take it easy when I went back to Tam's.I'd already listened to a dozen lectures on not rushing recovery and being sensitive to my body'shealing journey, and I'd been patient when Rodil had tried and failed to fix my elbow and then made me run through a series of exercises and checks every single day.I knew I was better.I was in better condition than I'd ever been, maybe; most of the deepest aches had even gone away thanks to the sudden and total break from training.
But I needed tomove, and doing some stretches at a glossy gym in Verdant Ward wasn't going to cut it.
I studied them."Why don't you want me to go back?"I asked, because that had to be the problem.
Rodil blinked rapidly."I have no opinion on the matter one way or another," they said."Although if you were to find a facility within Verdant Ward, I am certain you would benefit from the additional time spent training instead of travelling to and from Radiant Ward."They unclipped the paper from their clipboard – Rodil had started a real paper file for each of us and I was sure mine was already full of irritated notes about how I was a bad patient and that they'd like to rescind their early insistence that I was a treasure – and set their things aside, pretending to be busy as they straightened some instruments in a drawer."I would like to see you in two days' time, to assure your healing continues to be on track.For now, I would advise against strenuous activity."
I looked at them, eyes narrowing.I was the reason they were evenhere."Is he secretly doing something evil?"I asked.
Rodil's hand stilled over the instruments as they looked blankly at the drawer."Who?"
"Tam.My coach."
"Oh."Rodil moved across their office, dim overhead lights flashing off the bands on their pale boots, and pulled one of their textbooks from a shelf to page through it, as if they were looking for something."I cannot say.I do not know him."
"Do you think someone's going to shake me down?"
"Again, it is impossible to say.I am merely aware that Radiant Ward is not as safe as Verdant Ward, Sashen.And I am perhaps a little wary of a coach who leaves you in the condition in which I have seen you."Rodil's mouth flattened as they continued to flip through their textbook, seemingly engrossed."Ido not wish to return to Radiant Ward, but if you require me to make the trek down in order to assist you before you return here –"
Was that what this was about?
"So you don't want to go to Radiant Ward," I supplied, "and ifI'mgoing down there, you feel likeyou'llhave to go down there too."
Rodil's features tightened."I will go where I am needed.I will merely say that I am pleased to have put the life I had in Radiant Ward behind me.Now, if you wouldn't mind, Sashen, I have some documents to review for another creche-mate."
I figured I'd just handle things by heading down to the gym the next day, regardless of what Rodil told me.But it turned out that if a declared virra was defying their doctor's orders, said doctor felt entitled to break doctor-patient confidentiality and go running directly to the head of house.Which meant that, by the time Araxis finished up his protracted meeting with Vivithsomewhereon station and then he dragged himself into our bedroom where I was trying to forcibly cram another three vocabulary banks into my brain, word seemed to have reached him of my conversation with Rodil and what Rodil had (correctly) surmised was my plan.
"Will you return to Radiant Ward tomorrow?"Araxis asked as he stepped into the closet to strip out of his clothes.He cast a shadow across the plush carpet, the lights in our room much dimmer than those in the closet.
I yawned, closing the vocabulary quiz I was running through and instead pulling up tomorrow's schedule.We had a meeting with Creche Bathel –traditional, but not inflexible,Araxis's file said,strong trading ties with various ketaari corporate bodies; holdings are rich in many minerals– early in the afternoon, and then something else in the evening."What's this about an exhibit opening?"I asked, jabbing at the box.It hadn't been there yesterday.
"We were invited by a broadcast group who sponsored a new exhibit of ancient abayan cultural artifacts at Kastravis Museum here in the ward.Vivith believes it will be beneficial for us to attend; I asked Inmadra, who is inclined to agree.Making an appearance – and doing so together – would be… useful, politically."His voice was muffled a little as he pulled on his sleeping clothes."Besides, Lauvis and Zirric of Creche Athal will be there.Lauvis has told me that you and Zirric are quite amiable."
Alright, I could do a museum event."Yeah, Zirric's a character.Then I might go to Radiant Ward in the morning," I said, rearranging the pillows around me so that I was cushioned on all sides.Iwastired after the day.And I didn't think it was the wandering around gardens that had left me feeling… wrung out.
Araxis finally emerged from the closet, tapping off the lights, and he padded across the room.But instead of crawling into bed, into the sunken centre where we would end up nestled together no matter what, he perched carefully on the edge of the bed.His face was serious in the dim pink lights above."I would like to go with you, if you will permit it."
I frowned."Why would you go?You have so much to do."
He huffed, looking away."I – worry," Araxis admitted."After the assault.We still do not know who was behind the attack, or what their aim was.If I could accompany you –"
Oh.Well, that wouldn't do.The whole point was for me to be getting stronger, tougher, more capable so that he'd see me – and I'd see me – as someone who was an asset.It wouldn't work if he felt the needed to protect me wherever I went.
"I don't need you to keep an eye on me.I don't need someone to supervise me."And then, because I wassuresome of this was coming from Rodil, I added, "And if Rodil has a problem with me going down to Radiant Ward or a problem with my coach, I'd like them to tell me that directly and give me a good reason.Because IlikeRadiant Ward, and Tam has been really fucking helpful so far, and he hasn't been weird about me being on broadcast, and he hasn't been weird aboutus, and he's been decent to me when I've had –"
