My days were filled with kisses from Julian, corner store runs, ice cream truck stops, freeze cups, porch conversations, and walks on the lake. And, somehow, the experiences were incomparable to anything else.
It was as if I’d been holding my breath for the last four years, awaiting the moment it all came crashing down. And, when it did, it only hurt for a little while. Because, somehow, in the back of my brain, I’d always been expecting it. I didn’t know it. Not until it was all over.
It didn’t hurt any less. It just didn’t hurt as long. I couldn’t let the pain of what could’ve been cloud too many of my days. I refused to give all my time to that heartache. I didn’t deserve that. Neither did the man I’d spent the last four years with.
Track after track helped me loosen the threads that were holding me hostage. Drink after drink, provided by the man who wasn’t hovering over us to cash in on his unsolicited investment, helped me overcome my struggle with the pursuit of myhappiness. Four months had passed, and I was still wondering what that looked like for me. Now, I knew.
It looked like this. My friend's body against mine as we swayed to the beat of a good song. A new home right at home. Fully furnished rooms. Solitude. Independence. A limitless future. A cash car full of gas. Sureness. Self-awareness. Openness. Good drinks. Good pussy. And, good people around you.
I lost track of time. My jaws hurt from laughing uncontrollably. My feet hurt from staying on the dance floor all night. My heart ached from sheer, unfiltered contentment.
“Bitch, I think I’m drunk.”
“You’re not alone,” I laughed, nudging Saga.
“You ready? Cause, if I have another one of them damn martinis, I’m going to use Sully’s dick as my straw. That nigga is fine as the China pieces in my grandma’s cabinets.”
“If you did,” I sniggered, “I wouldn’t blame you. He is a work of art.”
“Flocco trying to get you fucked up, friend. I know his game.”
My eyes darted in his direction. A twinge of jealousy coursed through my veins as I watched him interact with the woman in the black dress. She had barely moved an inch all night, waiting for the moment to grab his attention.
“I don’t give a damn how sloppy he gets me, he won’t be sliding in this shit.”
Saga looped her arm through mine. Together, we made our way toward the bar. We both deposited our cups on the counter before heading in the other direction. I glanced in the section Flocco shared with Sully and two others. To my surprise, he was no longer visible. Neither was the woman in the black dress.
We made our way out of the door just as the lights came on inside ofGoose. The party was over.
3:46a
I wasn’t sure where time had gone, but I didn’t care. We emerged with a group of clubbers. The quietness of the wee hours was disrupted with chatter, whistling, and laughter. Heels assaulted the pavement. Loud stereos pumped out a variety of sounds. Rims elevated rides. Diamonds danced in the dark. All shades of brown blended and contrasted with the night sky. The smell of fresh air filled my nostrils. While nothing was a blur, everything was.
This is Dooley.
This is home.
My heart was heavy at the thought. My head was light. I closed my eyes briefly and allowed the revelation of my return to sit with me. I’d taken a step back to take better steps forward. And, I needed to be okay with that. I was okay with that. Because I’d never felt better.
“If you don’t mind, can I get a minute of your time, baby girl?”
My eyes popped open. In front of me, walking backward, was the obnoxiously loud yellow fit that was an eye sore, even in the dark.
Big Teeth. We’d named the unflattering human, and there was no undoing what had been done.
“It depends if you plan on wasting it.”
“Nah. I don’t plan on that.”
“I’m listening.”
“I’m Sed. I’d love to take you out tomorrow. Dinner, perhaps?”
I scanned his profile. Aside from his disgusting choice of clothing, nothing else was flattering about the man in front of me. The watch on his wrist, the chain around his neck, and the key fob in his hand were the only evidence of his account status.
Maybe I can get a few thousand out of him. At least.
“I could go for dinner.”
