I sit up in bed, staring ahead at nothing as my sleepy brain processes the fact that Blake ditched me yet again. And just like last time, he did it abruptly without an explanation.
That heavy, tight, gnawing feeling zooms through me once more. Getting rejected by Blake two times in a row feels like a sucker punch to my soul.
For a second, I wonder if our middle-of-the-night cuddle session was a dream. If the Blake that held me and comforted me after that nightmare was something that I made up all in my head.
But I know the answer.
Of course it was him. Iknowit was him.
I just don’t want to acknowledge the ugly truth: there’s something about me that’s turning him off—that’s making him want to avoid me.
That familiar mix of hurt, frustration, and confusion swirls through me. I kick off the bedsheets and stomp to the bathroom. I’m sick of this. Why won’t he just talk to me?
Giving him space didn’t work. Maybe I need to be direct.
So I grab my phone and ask him point-blank.
Hey. What is going on with you? Why are you avoiding me?
But just like before, he leaves me on read. He never answers.
* * *
I pull out my laptop and continue working on my senior capstone project for my Spanish course.
I’m in the middle of my shift at the library, and there are only a handful of students here this late in the evening.
I was hoping work would be busier to distract me from thinking about Blake, but no such luck.
He’s the only thing on my mind.
All I can think about is the way he jolted awake when I had that awful nightmare. The way he ran to my side and rested his hand on my cheek to calm me down.
The soft, soothing way he spoke to me to calm me down.
The way he didn’t hesitate to crawl next to me in bed and hold me until I fell asleep.
I’m still frustrated with him for avoiding me…but I can’t help the way I ache for him.
Because he’s still my best friend. I’m still wildly attracted to him. And I still want him. So, so bad.
But I can’t have him…and there’s a very,verystrong chance that he doesn’t want me anymore.
I try to ignore the ugly feeling that slashes through my chest just thinking about that and refocus on my senior project, which is about the benefits of bilingualism in children. I work on that for the next hour of my shift.
Then I check my email and see a message from one of my advisers.
Briar,
Thank you for the update on the progress of your capstone project. I must say, I’m quite impressed with the work you’ve put into it so far. Your written report is excellent. And your Spanish-speaking skills are some of the best of all the students I’m working with at Hollis.
Do you have plans for Spring Break in March? Every year, I travel to Pinaculo International School in Mexico City to teach an intensive language course to the students who attend the academy. It’s a two-week-long course, and I always recruit three of my Hollis U students to come with me to develop lesson plans and projects. I also let each of the Hollis students teach a day-long course to the academy students. Would you be interested? If so, please reply to this email, and I will send you the application to fill out.
I will say, this is a very competitive internship. Dozens of Hollis students apply, and I can only accept three. Many of the students who have assisted me on this project have also gone on to work at Pinaculo International School as translators, interpreters, and tutors after graduating. If you’re interested in pursuing that type of work post-graduation, I’d encourage youto apply for this internship. It’s an excellent stepping stone if you see yourself working in this field.
Sincerely,
Professor Marcia Martinez
