“No,” Flynn says, his denial sharp and firm. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to feel guilty. You can choose to stay here if you want, but I won’t let you do it out of guilt.”
I spin to face him, throwing out my arms. “It doesn’t work like that,” I argue. “You can’t stop me from feeling guilty.”
Flynn’s arm shoots out, his hand circling my throat as he drags me into him. “Watch me.”
I swallow against his palm, his touch grounding me and ebbing away the panic.
“Claren was a rapist and a murderer and Tommy was just as bad. If you hadn’t ended them, I would have, so you have nothing to feel guilty for. Do you understand?” His question brokers no answer, and I let myself fall into his words.
Flynn shifts his hand to the nape of my neck, his other coming to my hip as he drops his forehead against mine. His soft, tumbling curls brush my skin and I breathe in his calming scent.
“Come to Canada with me, Lilac” he whispers. “Let me love you, because Idolove you. And maybe my love is a little different than normal, but I know without a doubt that it’s real. I love you, Hazel.”
I purse my lips together, cradling his face in my hands as tears slip from my eyes. “I love you too. Like, a stupid amount.”
He laughs, his breath warm on my face, and I go up on tip toes to press my lips to his, the salt from my tears falling into the kiss.
“Just think about it, okay?” Flynn says when we draw apart. “I won’t force your hand on this. You have to decide.”
I nod, brushing my fingers over the Canadian passport. The one that’s mine, if I want it. My mom had a Canadian passport. I always said I’d go, I just never imagined it would be like this.
“You’re going,”Wright declares from where she’s standing on the low wall of the roof top terrace.
I glance over at Livi but she just shrugs.“Don’t look at me, I’m with Wright,”she signs.
I lean back in the deck chair, slipping my hands into the sleeves of Flynn’s hoodie that I stole to come out here. “Should I be offended that you both want to get rid of me so easily?”
Wright hops down off the wall, pointing at me with one of the virgin mojitos we found in the fridge. “Don’t deflect. We love you, Haze, but you’ve wanted to go to Vancouver Island since you were old enough to understand that’s where your mom grew up.”
“Plus having a friend in prison would be just as awkward as having one in hiding.”Livi keeps a blank face as she signs, likewe’re talking about our weekend plans and not whether I turn myself in for murder.
“I’d have to leave my house,” I say. “There’s all my gran’s stuff there still and—” I break off, a wave of grief swelling through my chest.
Wright sits down across from me and takes my hand in hers. “Hazel, don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s just a house.” She holds up a hand when I open my mouth to protest. “I know it’s more than that, I do, but your gran is gone and that woman was a fierce motherfucker.”
I snort a half sob half laugh.
“She made you promise not to get stuck but before Flynn came along, that’s what you were. Do you know how mad she’d be if you turned down the chance to go with the man you love to the place you’ve always dreamed of?”
I rub my hand over my face and stare up at the gray clouds. “Pretty fucking mad,” I say.
“Pretty fucking mad.”
I look back down, watching my two best friends. Maybe the world isn’t as black and white as I thought because I told them everything, exactly what happened, everything I did, and they’re still here. Some of my guilt drifts away, the weight lifting off my chest.
“So that’s it? I just go?”
Hazel Halloway can’t come to the phone anymore. She’s dead.
“Flynn says we can stay in touch, we just need to be careful,” Wright says.
Lachlan taps on the glass doors to the terrace and steps outside. His jaw clenches as he looks at Wright then his serious gaze finds mine. “It’s time. If you’re going, you’ve got to go now.”
I take a breath and look back at Wright.
She nods, a soft smile on her lips.
I turn back to Lachlan. “Let’s go to Canada.”
