“When I’m with you, I feel so much more,” I tell her. “Everything is stronger, more vibrant. It’s like you unlock the part of my brain that keeps all the feelings on mute and for once I’m feeling everything on full volume.”
Hazel picks at a thread on her jeans, her voice quiet. “Is that why you like spending time with me?”
My stomach hardens at the idea that I’m just using Hazel like an emotional drug.“No.”I spear my fingers through her hair and twist her head so I can look her in the eyes. “I like spending time with you because I likeyou, Hazel. I like the way you smile and how fucking kind you are. I like that I broke into your house and you made me hot chocolate. I like your obsession with little charms and all things lilac. I like making you blush with justmy words and I fucking love the sounds you make when I’m touching you. I could go on if you want?”
She smiles shyly and she shakes her head a little.
I want to carry on anyway. I want to tell her that she’s all I think about, that I hate every moment she’s not in my arms. That I may not know how to love but I know I love her.
My lilac is in me, soul, body, and mind and I’m not ever letting her go.
I don’t want to scare her though, so I roll her onto her back and kiss her instead. I kiss her until my lips burn, until we’re out of breath and she tastes ofme.
“Flynn,” she whispers when we finally pull apart, our noses still pressed together. “What are we doing?”
“Whatever you want,” I vow.
Her hand settles on my jaw, and I hate the pain dancing in her eyes. “But how does this end? If you kill Claren, you’re going to have to disappear.”
I know she’s right but the thought of leaving Hazel rages inside of me. I roll onto my back and stare at the sky. “Maybe I’ll steal you away with me.”
“Kidnapping’s illegal.”
I turn my head to face her. “When has that ever stopped me?”
Hazel laughs then presses her lips together, her eyes turning watery.
“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” I ask, needing to distract her because the last thing I want to do is make Hazel cry.
“Vancouver Island. Where my mom grew up. She wanted to move back there and open a bookshop. I always said I’d do just that. Find a cute little house, name the bookshop after her. Raise my family there.”
The thought of having kids with Hazel makes my cock harden and my heart race. “What was her name?” I ask.
Hazel smiles sadly. “Olive. My middle name.”
“So maybe we’ll do that,” I say. “You can start your bookshop and I’ll sell photos online. Anonymously, of course.”
Hazel turns to face me. “What would you take photos of?”
“You.”
Her eyes sparkle. “Will you take one now?”
Other than surveillance photos, I haven’t taken a single photo since Hope died. I haven’t had any desire to. But I could take photos of Hazel all day long, I’ve just been waiting for her permission.
24
THE RETURN OF DICKWEED
Hazel
“You look happy.”Wright leans over my shoulder, peering at the photo Flynn took of me. I must have pulled it up on my phone a hundred times since he took it the other day on the pier.
“It’s a good photo,” I say.
“I mean it is, but that’s not what I meant.”
Livi taps her desk and I look up from where Wright and I are sitting on the filing cabinets in her tiny office. “She’s right, you look happy. Happier than you have in a long time,”she signs.
