“Well, I was kind of exaggerating.A hundred dollars would be a lot for one of those hearts.”
“No, I mean, don’t they have any security?”
Jem shrugged.
“So, anybody could just wander in here and say they’re meeting a teacher.”
“I guess so.”
“But that’s a problem.What if they’re lying?”Tean looked around; no one was nearby, but he still lowered his voice when he said, “What if they’re planning on, you know, doing something?”
“Stealing all the pizza on Pizza Tuesday?”
“No.”
“Oh shit.Like the Hamburglar, only for pizza.”
“Jem, they shouldn’t just let anybody walk in here.”
“Wait, wasn’t there already a Hamburglar for pizza?”Jem snapped his fingers.“The Noid.Remember?Avoid the Noid?”
“And it’s not just school shooters,” Tean said.“What about pedophiles?What about creepy guys who are at least twenty years old, and they have leather jackets and motorcycles, and they date freshmen?”
“Is that fromThe Outsiders?”
“No, it’s not— You know what?Never mind.”
“Babe, as far as today goes, it’s a good thing.Right?”
“It’s a terrible thing.Someone should be escorting us out of the building right now.”
“Great,” Jem said.A man appeared at the corner—he was dressed in a Uintah High polo, and he gave them a curious look.Jem flagged him down.“This guy is trying to steal all the pizza.You need to call security.”
The man grinned.“Better you than the wrestling team.”
And that was it.He walked on.He didn’t glance back.
“That is so unfair,” Tean said.“Why does that work for you?
Jem shrugged again.
“If I had tried that, he would have shot me.”
“That’s okay, babe.You’re good at lots of things.You’re good at animals.”
“No one is ‘good at animals.’‘Animals’ isn’t a skill.”
“Sure, it is.And you’re good at imagining all the bad stuff that can happen.Like when you told those Girl Scouts about how bad it is to use palm oil, and non-recyclable plastics, and the evils of child labor.”
“That was a bad thing.You should have stopped me.You should have shut the door.”
“And you’re definitely good at sex stuff.”
Tean glanced around, face heating.“No,” he whispered.“I’m not.I’mbadat sex stuff.”
Jem was grinning.
“What is happening?”Tean moaned—but quietly, because he wasn’t sure he wanted Jem to answer.
