“I’m not his to manhandle.”
“Aren’t you?”
I glare at her, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
“I’m just saying.You love him.You always will, and until that changes, whether he knows it or not, you’re his.At least your heart is.I’d say by the way he carried you out of the Hideaway and had you pinned up against his truck, he agrees.”
“Can we talk about something else?”I plead.
“No, I like this topic.”She smirks.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Kinzie.”
“I don’t want you to say anything.Just acknowledge the fact that there’s something still there between the two of you.”
“It’s all one-sided, trust me.I foolishly gave him my entire heart, and when he left, he took it with him.Now, here I am, still nothing to show for all the years it’s been his.”I pause, collecting my thoughts.“I want to be a mom,” I confess quietly.“I want a husband, a partner for this life.I want a home that’s not a few hundred feet from my office door.I want sleepy morning sex before the kids wake up.I want chaos and laughter, and I’m scared as hell that I’ll never have that.”
“Ellison, that’s not true.”
“Every man I’ve ever been with romantically, I compare to him.I compare the love I found when I was a teenager to the love I want to find now.The dreams we had, they were real, and they were here.”I tap at my chest.“No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to let them go.I still want all the same things, but unless I learn hownotto love him, I’m going to die an old cat lady, with no husband and no kids, just me and my pussies for company.”
“I think Baylor and Courtlynn are rubbing off on you.Thankfully, there’s still hope for Leighton,” she teases.
“Doubtful.You know it’s the quiet ones you always have to watch out for.”
She nods.“So true.”Reaching over, she takes my hand in hers.“You can have all of that, Ellison.You’re still young.”
“I’m thirty-two.I want babies.”I pause, leery of telling her the rest of it.Kinzie and my sisters know everything about me.We don’t have secrets, but I do have this one.
“What are you thinking about?”she asks, tilting her head to the side to study me.
“I’ve thought about doing it on my own.They have fertility clinics, or there’s even adoption.”
“What?”She sits up straighter, her mouth hanging open in shock.“Why have you never told me this before?”’
“Because if a single woman is getting pregnant on purpose with a turkey baster, or adopting on her own, I know what people will say.This is a small town.‘That James boy broke her heart, and now, she has to use a stranger’s spunk or adopt a kid, because she’s unlovable,’” I say, wiping at my cheeks.
“Ellison Marie!Why would you say that?”There’s fire in her eyes.“Yes, this is a small town, but it’s no one’s damn business what you decide to do with your life.”She leans in close, holding my gaze.“And if I ever hear you say you’re unlovable again, I’ll… well, I don’t know what I’ll do, but you won’t like it.Where is your head at right now?Please tell me you don’t believe that.I love you.Your sisters, your grandparents, and the guys love you.That’s just the short list off the top of my head.You are so many things for so many people, and I’m going to go ahead and toss this out there, but I know Copeland loves you, too.”
“Stop,” I say, a sob breaking free from my chest.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you, Ellison.I saw the look in his eyes tonight.It’s the same way he looked at you all those years ago.You were still the only woman in that bar, as far as that man was concerned.I don’t know what happened back then.I don’t know why he left the way that he did.What I do know is that the two of you are adults, and you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about the past.Will it lead to a future you’ve always dreamed of?I hope so.If not, maybe you can get the closure you need to finally move on from him.”
“That’s like asking me to slice open an artery.”
“Good.That’s what needs to happen.Slice it open, and let it bleed, Ellie.You need this, and from the way he acted tonight, Copeland needs it, too.I’m your best friend.I want to see you happy, and I want you to have the life you’ve always dreamed of.I hate seeing you this way.”
“I was fine until he came back,” I mutter.
“Were you?Were youreallyfine?You were still alone.Still grieving a loss that you don’t understand.Besides, I have a theory.”
“This should be good,” I say, feeling a little calmer and tucking my feet beneath me on the couch.“Let’s hear it.”
“I’ve told you this before, so it’s not new information, and after tonight, I believe it with every fiber of my being.I think you and Copeland are soulmates.I think there’s that one person for each of us, and he was your person.”
“So, you’re saying second chances at love don’t exist.”
“I didn’t say that.”
