“No.No, Copeland.Don’t Ells me,” she spits.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask about birth control, but baby, there is nothing to worry about.We always said we wanted a family.”
I thought my words would be soothing, but instead, big, fat tears roll down her cheeks as she angrily swipes them away and shakes her head.“That was the dream, until you left me.Mysterious letters be damned, you were here, and you didn’t come to me.You made an assumption, and you walked away, Copeland.I wasn’t enough then.What makes you think I’m going to believe that I’m enough now?”
“You were enough, Ells.You’ve always been enough.You’re everything.”I try again to reach for her, but she evades my touch.
“It’s time for you to go.”
“What’s going on here, Ellison?”
She stops her retreat and stares me in the eye.“I’m trying not to love you,” she whispers brokenly.
“Stop.Don’t—baby, don’t,” I say, reaching for her again, but she folds into herself, as if my touch repulses her.
“Just go.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t want you to go back then either.We don’t always get what we want,” she seethes.
I sigh.Tonight, my time with her is over.No matter what I say right now, tensions are high, as are our emotions.Fuck, mine are too big to name, too big to put into words.We need some time to cool off, to let the words we’ve said, and the ones we didn’t, play out.
“I’ll go, but I’ll be back,” I tell her.
“It’s best if you don’t.”
“I thought I knew best once.It turns out, I fucked it up.Guess what, Ells, I’m a smart man.I learn from my mistakes, and letting you go, not fighting for you, is not one I’ll make again.”
It takes two long strides to reach her, and I wrap her in my arms, holding her tightly.“I love you, Ellison,” I whisper as I place my lips against her temple.Knowing that I’m pushing my luck, I release her, turn, and walk out the door.
I can’t go back to my room.I can’t go to my mom’s.Fuck, the only place in this entire damn planet that feels like home is her.So, instead, I get in my truck, and I drive.I take the backroads and let my mind wander.I need a plan, because I meant what I said: I’m not going down without a fight.
“I’m coming for you, baby,” I whisper into the empty cab of my truck.
I’m coming for you.
Thirteen
Ellison
As soon as the door closes with a soft click, I fall to the floor, curl into a ball, and cry.I let out all the pain, the heartache, and the hope.
Pain for the years that we missed out on.For the fact that so much damn miscommunication has landed us where we are today.
Heartache, because when he told me he loved me, all I wanted to do was scream the words back at him and hold on tightly.I want the last seventeen years to disappear, and I want to be his.
Hope, because even through the pain and the heartache, I still love that man with everything inside me.I don’t know if we can make this work between us, but I saw the determination in his eyes.He meant what he said, and I can only hope we’re able to work through this.
I don’t know how long I cry on the floor, but eventually, I pull myself together enough to drag my ass to the couch.I know I should head to my room.My sisters are going to come home and find me a hot mess and want to know what happened.It’s not that I don’t want to tell them, but I’m not exactly sure what to say.How do you tell your best friends that the only man you’ve ever loved showed up, spoke some truths, and you ended up in bed together, having unprotected sex?
So.Stupid.
It’s been years for me, and well, there’s no point putting my body on a medication I don’t need.I didn’t expect tonight, and now, well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.Reaching for the tissues, I blow my snotty nose, pull the throw from the back of the couch, curl up, and watch some mindless television.
Not even thirty minutes later, I hear the front door.It’s too early for my sisters to be home, but sure enough, it’s their voices I hear.It’s not just Courtlynn and Leighton, but my best friend, Kinzie, too.
“What’s going on?”I ask, my heart falling to my gut.Is someone hurt?Oh, God, please don’t let it be Copeland.He was upset when he left.He just went to his room, right?“Please, no,” I say, sitting up, fighting back the lump in my throat.
