“Is that the speech she gave you?”I ask, because I can hear my mother saying those exact words.
“Pretty much.Well, I added a few things.”
“Yeah, she’d never remind us she worked her ass off to raise us.That’s not her style.”
“Doesn’t make it less true,” Chandler replies.
“What do we need to do?What are the next steps?When’s her next appointment?How is she feeling?”I fire off question after question, not giving him the chance to answer.
“We need to be there for her.She’s geared up for a fight.Says she can kick cancer’s ass, and well, I believe her.The prognosis looks good, and you know Mom, she’s always been a fighter.If anyone can beat this, it’s her,” he says.I hear him sniffling, and I wipe at my own eyes.
I’m a grown man, but I’ll always be a momma’s boy.Chandler and I both will be.She was all we had after we lost Dad, and that woman, she was everything to us.She still is.
“She’s got this,” I tell him.Part of me needs those words to be out into the universe, manifesting the outcome we need, and the other part knows how strong and resilient our mother is.Chandler’s right.If anyone is ready for this battle, it’s Mary James.
“The next steps are meeting with the oncologist, developing a treatment plan, and moving forward with whatever that looks like,” Chandler explains.“That appointment is next Friday, and she’s feeling good.Claims she wouldn’t have ever known had the mammogram not detected it.She caught it early, and that’s a huge deal to her beating this.”
My heart squeezes when I think about Mom going through this.I know she’s not the first, and certainly not the last, but she’s always been this invincible woman with eyes in the back of her head.She’s been both mother and father to us since I was eight and Chandler was thirteen.
“I’m coming home,” I tell him, my voice cracking.
“You should wait,” Chandler says.“Let us find out what the treatment plan is.I’m sure she’s going to need you once all this starts, and I don’t want you to use up all of your time.”
“No, Chan, I’m coming home, for good.I’ll apply for the dependency discharge.If it’s authorized, it puts me into early retirement with benefits.I’m not sure what I need, but I’ll talk to my commanding officer tomorrow, and I’ll get the ball rolling.”
“Cope, are you sure you want to do that?This is your career.”
“Mom needs me.You and Macie need me.You have the business to run, and Mom is going to need help.I’m sure.”What I don’t tell him is that this was never my plan.I never wanted to spend my entire career in the military.He knows why I went, and I assume he thinks my plan changed, but it never did.
I always wanted to go home.I wanted to make my way back toher, but life, well, it had other plans, I guess.However, leaving this career early is not something I’m broken up about.I enjoy what I do.I’m good at it.I’ve also devoted every part of me for the last seventeen years to my country.
But my family needs me.
My mom needs me, and if I’m being real with myself, I need them, too.I miss them, and every time I go home, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave.I know that going home means facingher.I’ll have to see her live her life with someone else, but this is for Mom, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be there for her.To support her with unwavering devotion, just as she did for Chandler and me growing up.
It's time to go home.
“I’ll be in touch.Keep me updated.I’m going to try like hell to be there for her appointment next week.”
“If not, I can always call you while we’re there or something,” Chandler tells me.
“Thanks, man.I’m going to call Mom.”
“Yeah, I told her I was going to call you.She seemed relieved that I was taking on that task.She held steady as she told Macie and me today, but I’m certain that as soon as we left, she broke down.I could tell in the sound of her voice and by her actions.”
“She never did let us see her cry.At least not after a few weeks of losing him.She never wanted us to worry.”
“Yeah,” Chandler agrees.“You good?”
“I will be once I get this handled and get home.”
“You plan on staying with Mom or us?”
“I’ll stay with Mom if she’s okay with that.If not, you all until I can find a place.”
“There’s always the Magnolia Manor,” he says.
The words sit on the tip of my tongue to scold him for suggesting I stay there, but I swallow them back.“We’ll see,” is what I finally tell him.
