Raquel nods and holds hers up.
“Oh, I’m not legal yet,” I say, as I set my beach bag on the counter and take a seat at one of the barstools in front of it. I reach inside for my pouch of shells — still full from my beach day with Beth — and carefully slide Graham’s shell into it.
“We’re all legal here.” Penny turns around, a meat and cheese tray in her hands. She shrugs. “Seriously. We won’t tell.”
She sets the food down and then takes off again, fluttering around like the social butterfly she is.
Raquel takes a drink of her seltzer and smiles at me. “Beth told me you’re joining us at work,” she says. “I’m so excited!”
“That’s what Graham said,” I say. “Did she make an announcement or something? She was banking on me saying yes,” I laugh. News of me joining the crew has spread like wildfire, it seems.
She shrugs. “Kind of. I think she’s just excited, too, so she wanted to tell everyone.” Her eyes land on my bag and she frowns.
“Crap,” she mutters, “I forgot my bag in my car. Be right back!” She scurries off to the front door and I turn around on the barstool and take a look around the house.
It’s the kind of house where all the kids would hang out. Part of me always wished our apartment back in Seattle was the hotspot.Thinking of home makes my heart hurt and I blink rapidly to fight the tears that are coming.
Everyone seems to have an alcoholic drink of some sort in their hands. I turn back around and stare at the seltzers curiously before I reach for one. I want to get rid of this lump in my throat. I crack it open and take a sip. It’s not what I expect, but it’s also not bad. I keep drinking it as I look around the kitchen. There’s music playing from somewhere in the house and I can tell Penny is enjoying her role as hostess. There’s a variety of finger foods spread across the counter, and a stack of pizza boxes by the fridge. I finish the can and toss it into the trashcan by the corner of the counter and reach for another. I crack it open and take a sip, feeling a numbing sensation working its way over my brain.
I decide not to wait for Raquel and head out the sliding glass door to the porch overlooking the pool. I set my bag down on one of the chairs on the deck and quickly strip my clothes off. I stuff them into my bag and drape my towel over the back of the chair. I take another gulp of my seltzer and set it down by the chair, feeling warm in the pit of my stomach. The lump in my throat is fading.
The pool looks inviting and refreshing after the day I’ve had. The smell of chlorine hits me in the face as I take a breath in. I hear a roar of laughter inside the house and pick up my seltzer can again, taking another drink. I quickly drain the can and crush it, setting it by my bag. Raquel joins me on the porch, shutting the patio door behind her. She smiles as she yanks her T-shirt over her head and shimmies out of her shorts, revealing her black bikini. She balls her clothes upand tosses them toward the chair beside me. She chucks her bag in the same direction and then walks toward the pool entrance and dips her toes in, testing the water.
“Cold?” I ask as I watch her.
“Not really,” she says before she climbs in.
I walk to the pool ladder and follow her into the water. I shiver a bit as I adjust to the temperature. It’s still early enough in the season that it’s not turned to bath water just yet. I submerge myself fully and shake my head when I break the surface again. My mind is quiet and for once, I feel totally relaxed. It’s a peace I could use more often.
I’m wiping water from my eyes as I remember I wanted to tell Raquel about Jake asking me out. She’s on the other end of the pool, floating on her back, eyes shut. I swim over to her and settle beside her as Penny, Graham, and the others walk out onto the deck.
Graham rips off his shirt and breaks out into a run, jumping into a cannonball.
I turn, trying to shield myself from the spray. “I forgot to tell you,” I say to Raquel after the water settles, “I saw Jake again and he asked me out.”
“And you said no, right?” She flips out of her suspended float and is upright, in front of me.
“No…” I trail off, backing towards the edge of the pool. I furrow my brows as I look at her.
She frowns. “Look, I’m not telling you what to do, but be careful,” she warns. “He may be nice now, but the kid is a real ass, at least from what I’ve heard around town.”
“Really?” I ask, thinking of my interactions with Jake. “He seems sweet, so far.”
“That’s how they get you,” she says, “Look, Thea, you’re a big girl and can make your own decisions. Just be careful, okay?”
She glances toward Graham as he bobs along the surface of the water, slowly swimming over to us.
“Hey,” he says, “whatcha talking about?”
“Just how excited we are to have Thea join the diner,” she lies.
Graham agrees with her and I smile politely, lost in my thoughts. I think of his gesture at the door with the shell and now Raquel’s warning. I can’t help but wonder if I’m about to make a huge mistake.
I wake up the next morning filled with dread. I stare at the ceiling for a considerable amount of time before I make myself get up and get on with the day. I’d be content to lay there the entire day, but I know I need to get up and move my body.
Part of me thought this day would kill me. That somehow, grief would just take me in my sleep and I’d never have to face it.
Unfortunately, I’m still here, even though Mom isn’t.
