Cya clicked their tongue in irritation, causing Gem and Dex to look their way. They stiffened and focused back on the milk they were steaming. Facing them completely, Dex propped his hands on his hips and furrowed his brow into a comical frown.
He poked their biceps above one of their gold armbands and said, “I got a boner to pick with you, by the way.”
“I beg your pardon?” Cya exclaimed in complete and utter affront as Gem snorted.
“Dude, it’s bone,” Rusty said, face wrinkled in dismay. “You’ve got aboneto pick with them. Not… what you just said.”
“Yeah, don’t mention boners unless you’re ready to sit through hours of boring AF sexual harassment videos,” Gem said.
“Oh,” Dex said, drawing out the word, “that makes way more sense. ’Cause, like, what does it even mean to pick a boner? I never understood it.”
“Maybe you’re picking it out of a line-up of boners? For identification purposes?” Gem offered, splaying several hands. “Maybe there was a horrible fire and the only body part left undamaged was the peen.”
“That seems extremely unlikely,” Rusty said.
“But not impossible,” Dex said. “Ah, man, I need to show my dick to more of my friends, because I don’t think any of them could identify me by boner alone.”
“It should be more of a priority in friendships. I mean, I could only identify Toni and Rusty by just their dicks.” Gem’s eight eyes widened in alarm. “But what if Ollie was burned to a crisp, and it was all up to me to identify him. But no! I couldn’t do it because I’ve never seen his human penis. So then he’d be buried in an unmarked grave, forgotten and alone, all because I didn’t know what his boner looked like!”
“Maybe a boner scrapbook,” Dex whispered, mostly to himself. “In case of emergencies.”
Rusty cringed. “You guys really gotta stop sayingboner.”
“I need to see Oliver’s dick,” Gem declared resolutely. “There’s no way around it.”
“No, Gem, don’t—” Rusty tried and failed to stop Gem from stomping out from behind the counter. “Can it at least wait until after work?”
“Death waits for no man,” Gem shrieked as he disappeared down the hallway. A moment later, Cya heard, “Ollie, show me your penis!”
“What!” Oliver shouted.
“That’s it. We’re doing another round of harassment training,” Quin growled.
“No, Quin, not the videos!” Gem wailed. “Can we please role play instead? I am really good at it, and there would be no risk of actual harassment because I would never fuck you. Which sounds really rude, now that I say it out loud.
“I mean, you’re beautiful, and you’re dommy-mommy vibe is definitely something I could work with, but I wouldnotknow what to do with your cooze.”
“Jesus Christ, Gem, you are not helping your case.” Oliver’s horrified voice grew muffled as the office door shut.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, Dex exhaled in a staccato rhythm through pursed lips, like an engine struggling to start. “Well, that excavated quickly.”
“Escalated,” Cya corrected through clenched teeth, and Dex nodded sagely.
“Yeah, that too.”
Rusty sighed in resignation. “It always does.”
With a harrumph, Cya took over a half-made smoothie Gem had forgotten to finish, snapping at Dex. “Pay attention. Smoothies and juice-based drinks will be one of your tasks.”
As they added the necessary fruit to the blender, Dex stepped up beside them, eyes narrowed in accusation. “You’ve been avoiding me. We were supposed to study.”
“And you’re supposed to be learning.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me you had the runs on Thursday? I would have understood.”
Face aflame, Cya glared at the Lupyn. “Had the—I didn’t—what are you talking about?”
“You went into the bathroom and then never came out,” he said with a disappointed frown. “You could have just told me about your tummy troubles, but you ghosted me. I waited outside for, like, half an hour and missed my tram.”
