“You’re shivering,” he says.
So, I tuck my arms up between us, and soon, his heat warms me.
“Let’s go inside, love.” Sabin rubs my back and then takes my hand in his.
We walk to the tree house, and inside, he grabs a blanket and sits me on the futon. He sits in the chair across from me, and we look at each other for a while.
This is decidedly very awkwardandvery comfortable.
“Do you want to tell me about the video stuff Annie sent?” he asks gently.
I shake my head. “Not really. Do you want to tell me why you freaked the fuck out today?”
He shakes his head. “Not really.”
“Should we not have come to San Diego? Was this a bad idea?”
It takes him a moment to respond. “It wasn’t a bad idea at all. I’m sorry I said what I said. I’m…I’m in a really weird place right now. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but it’s not your fault. I love you guys. And it was really cool of everyone to come here just for me.”
His words are not enough to ease the worry, but I don’t push.
“Do you want to give me my present?” I give him a small smile to let him know that we’re going to be all right.
He smiles back. “Okay.”
Sabin takes his guitar and sits back. “So, I, uh…I wrote you a song. For Christmas. It doesn’t have elves or reindeer in it, but it’s still for Christmas. It’s nothing much. I hope you don’t hate it. Just a little song, you know.” He clears his throat.
“Sabin Shepherd, are you actually nervous?”
“What? No!” Sabin rolls his eyes.
“You are! After all the times you’ve sung to me, you’re nervous. I think it’s cute.”
“Oh, shut up.”
“You shut up and start singing.”
“Fine, fine.” He sets the guitar on his leg and looks down.
From the moment he starts, I have this strong reaction to his voice, more than I usually do. He has a way of reaching into my gut and tearing at my emotions. Even when the lyrics aren’t overtly emotional, his delivery, his intensity…I am invariably pulled closer to him, and our connection is strengthened, just as it is now. The song is classically Sabin in that it’s slow and gutsy, but in its simplicity, it’s also one of the sweetest, most joyous songs he’s written.
THESE CITY LIGHTS
SHINE SO BRIGHT.
BUT ONCE A YEAR,
WE PUT ’EM IN OUR MIRROR.
DIRT ROAD ON TIRES,
FIREWOOD ON FIRE,
SNOW-COVERED HILLS,
OUR COUNTRYSIDE HILLS.
NO, I WON’T CATCH A WINK,
