My heart can’t take another talk right now, and I’m about to turn and leave when he begins to sing.
WHY DID YOU RUN?
YOU WERE SO COLORFUL. YOU WERE SO BEAUTIFUL.
IF YOU’RE BORN IN THE FIRE, YOU WILL BURN.
WE AIN’T BORN ANY WISER. YOU WILL LEARN.
IT’S GETTING COLD IN THE WATER, MY LOVE.
COLD IN THE WATER, COLD IN THE WATER.
I WAS BESIDE MYSELF WHEN YOUR SOUL LEFT THE ROOM
’CAUSE YOU’D TALKED OF MISTAKES YOU MADE
AND HOW YOU DON’T WANT THE SAME FOR ME.
NO, HOLD ON, BE STRONG
’CAUSE THE TEARS WILL STILL FALL AT WILL.
Sabin’s been drinking. I can hear it. There’s just a slight edge to his voice, and the only good thing about it is that it jerks me into alertness and fight mode. I am not going to let him drown if I can help it.
With determination and as much of a level head as I can maintain, I make my way down the stairs from the deck and cross the sand to reach him. I stop a few yards away.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to build fires on the beach,” I say.
“Well, I did a nice job, didn’t I? Rocks around the edges, well contained.”
I kneel down and try to assess how drunk he is. “You’ve been drinking.”
“So what? Can you blame me? And don’t get all fucking preachy on me. I cut myself off an hour ago. It’s not working.”
“You’ve been totally out of touch…after what happened.” It’s excruciatingly hard to say even this. “Why are you here?”
Sabin takes his time setting his guitar back in the case before he stands and begins walking back and forth. He’s a mess. His sleeveless shirt is dirty, his face is unshaven, and his black hair is unruly. More than that, he’s boozy and volatile. That’s easy to see.
“Here’s the thing, Blythe. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.”
“Do what?”
He waves a hand between us. “This. You and me. It’s over. I don’t want to see you anymore. Not after tonight.”
It’s as though he’d hit me across the face. I stand up. “Sabin, don’t you dare—”
“No!” he says sharply. “We can’t be friends. Or anything. I’m just here to tell you that. We are over. Everything about us is over.”
“You don’t get to just announce that like it’s no big fucking deal.” Now, I’m angry with him. “You stick it out with me, and that’s that. Because wewillfigure this out. So, no. You are not ending this. I won’t let you.”
“Actually, Blythe, Iamending this. I can do whatever I want. When it comes down to it, we don’t really have any ties to each other, do we? No. I stole your coffee. You fell in love with my brother. That’s the end of our story. You and he get the enviable connection, the whole aligned-with-the-stars one. Not you and me.
“And I need to take myself out of this mess and away from you and Chris because the guilt…” His pacing speeds up, the distress in his face increases. “Jesus, the guilt is impossible. I can’t sleep. I can’t be awake. I can’t find anyplace that isn’t filled with guilt. It’s already bad enough over Chris, but I cannot add in all this bullshit with you on top of that. Do you fucking get that?”
“On top of what? What do you feel so guilty over?” I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “You are the most genuine and loving person. So, no, I don’t get it. Explain it to me. Chris worships you. You know that. He would do anything for you.”
“And that is the goddamn problem. Don’t you see? He dideverything!” Sabin’s agitation is growing. “Christopher Shepherd motherfucking protected all of us, and he left nothing for me to do! He took the brunt of what my father dished out, and Chris never let me give back to him.”
