“No. He’s totally off the grid, which is good. I don’t ever want to see him again.” She’s finished her pancakes, and she goes to the kitchen to help herself to more. “I want to know where Costa is.” She’s more solemn now.
“He’s tripping. And we don’t know when he’ll be back.” Sam goes to her and takes the pancake that she’s eating from her hand, puts it on the plate, and directs her back to the table.
I smile. He’s much better at dealing with her detoxing behavior than I am.
“Costa is binge-tripping because…” Sam hesitates. “It’s a longer story that he can tell you if he wants. We’re not sure we’ll be able to get him to stop.”
“He was there with me that first time. I need to see him. I’ve been waiting years.”
“So, you’ll wait here with us,” I say. And since we’re playing Twenty Questions, I ask her, “Why did you leave Chicago? For Costa?”
Amy blanches slightly and takes her time answering. “The only person keeping me in Chicago disappeared, so I left.”
“Who do you mean? Mom?”
“Ugh, no.”
“You two were glued at the hip,” I say with irritation. “Don’t act like you weren’t.”
Suddenly, Amy takes her plate and flings it across the room, shattering it against the wall. She kicks back her chair and stands up, slamming her hands on the table and leaning over to me. Sam and I are both speechless, but I can tell that he’s ready to restrain her if necessary.
My sister looks me dead in the eyes. “We both know that I’m fucking crazy, but I never loved our mother. Don’t you dare imply that I did. Just because I took whatever she gave me doesn’t mean that I gave a shit about her. She was a monster. Dad threw us to the wolves when he tripped me and ran out of town. I didn’t even tell her I was leaving when I blew out of town. So, don’t look at me with that fucking accusatory face, Stella. You got off easy. I would have left ages ago, but I had to stay!”
“Had to stay forwhat? It certainly wasn’t for me. I lost you, too, after that trip.” I hold her stare. “Who was keeping you in Chicago?”
She backs off and goes to the window. “It doesn’t matter. He’s gone.”
Great. A guy.I can only imagine what kind of dysfunctional moron she got herself involved with.
“Go clean up the mess you made.” Sam breaks this up calmly. “You’re an addict who’s drying out, and you’re being obnoxious. You’re scared, and you’ve been alone in this for way too long. Now, you’re not. At some point, you’ll get that, but until then, watch yourself. This is my house, and I’ll kick you out if I have to.”
Amy’s face crumples, and she breaks down. “I’m sorry. I’m really…sorry. I don’t know who I am or what’s been happening to me.”
I let Sam go to her because she seems to respond better to him. I don’t like it, but it’s true.
He puts an arm around her and lets her cry. “You need to get clean. It’ll be easier then.”
“He’s been gone too long.” She is in hysterics now. “I lost him, and I haven’t been able to get him back. I tried so hard. I don’t know why he left.”
I don’t know if she’s talking about Dad or Costa or this boyfriend of hers, but she’s very agitated. Despite years of being mistreated by my sister, I understand it all in a new context. In some ways, Amy’s responsible for her behavior, but in so many ways, she’s not. I can’t imagine how frightening and isolating her experience has been. I’ve got Sam, and I’ve still felt terrified. It’s no wonder she thinks she’s crazy.
“Amy.” I try to break through her crying. “Amy, it’s going to be okay. We can figure all of this out. It’s just going to take a little time.”
From Sam’s arms, she nods. I take a few steps in her direction, and she goes from him to me. I can feel that, to at least some degree, she’s letting me in. Our reunion, however, is cut short when the wall next to us blasts open, and we are thrown to the floor.
Costa’s back.
Plaster dust coats his body, and he charges past us. I’m not even sure that he can see through his storm. Amy is shaking in my arms, and I realize that she’s never seen anyone surface before. Costa heads to the stairs, and I yell Sam’s name.
I know what’s in Costa’s room.
I push Amy behind me. “Stop him!”
Sam is already halfway across the room, and when he gets close, Costa spins and clocks Sam across the side of the head, delivering a blow that gives Sam pause.
“Costa, no!” I scramble to my feet and go after him.
Sam manages to shake off the hit to the head, and together, he and I are able to get a hold of Costa, and we struggle to pull him back downstairs. His surge has made him stronger than I was prepared for.
