“You two have been hanging out a lot this week. I think that’s good—for both of you.”
“It’s good he’s working at the inn. Everyone missed him. He and Kelly have always gotten along really well. And of course, my parents worship him. He’s around family again.”
“You know…Costa’s crazy about you,” I start.
Sam looks at me. “I know.”
He also knows where I’m going with this, but it has to be asked.
“Is he in love with you?”
“Nah, not really.” He looks back to the water. “Maybe. I don’t know. We have a complicated history, an emotional one. Both of us have hero-worshiped the other at certain points. And both of us have despised the other, too. I think Costa’s a little bit in love with the idea of you and me. He’s got some sort of infatuation with us being together. Maybe it’s what he wants for himself. And about that night?” He digs his feet into the hot sand until he hits cool mud. “Costa loves women, I know that, but his sexuality is probably a little more fluid than most. He’ll go where there’s fire. And do not underestimate the tequila factor. I saw how much you two went through while I was gone.”
I rub my feet next to his. “Waiting for you might have required some liquid courage, yes.”
“There’s another piece you should know about. He told me that you know about him losing his powers after he tripped me?”
I nod.
“Well, because of that, he’s become a bit of a thrill seeker. It’s a way to compensate, I guess. He used to hit up a racetrack a few hours from here a lot. Fast cars, danger, speed. He loves it. He also likes more elaborate death stunts than I do. The more blood and gore, the better. Diving from buildings, crashing stolen cars. Knives and guns, as you know. Costa’s done it all. The thrill seeking probably explains why he killed me in front of you—twice—and probably why he didn’t leave the minute when I came back surging the way I did. He knew where that would lead. I’m id-driven when I’m surging. Costa’s id-driven all the time.” Sam is quiet for a minute. “Do you hate Costa for what he’s done?”
“No,” I say, “of course not. He’s a little fucked up, but he’s lost so much. I get it. I like a lot about him, and anyone who cares about you the way he does—with his sincerity and his loyalty—is worth way more than any wrongs he’s done.”
“Good. I don’t want you to hate him, but I’d understand if you did.”
“We make allowances for people who matter. But I don’t understandhowhe can trip after Toby. He still loves it.”
“I know that it doesn’t seem to make sense, but it’s wired into us. It’s who we are and what our bodies ask for. We’re drawn to tripping because of something that changed in us. It’s like our body chemistry makes the need intrinsic.” He pauses. “We can’t really fight it.”
“You did.”
“And it probably made me worse off, but I’ll always fight it.”
We listen to the ocean and the sound of seagulls flying overhead.
“You good?” he asks.
“I’m good.” I tousle his hair. “Ifoundmy good, remember?”
He puts both arms around me now and exhales with relief. “I’ve been so fucking terrified that I hurt you during that surge, that I scared you, or that I made you feel like I could have been that way with just anyone…or that you were at all uncomfortable with it.”
“What? Sam, Jesus. Why didn’t you say something to me earlier? I assumed we hadn’t talked about this because it was awkward, not because either one of us was worried.” I rise up on my knees, kneeling next to him, and put both hands on his chest. “I thought you knew that I was fine, thatwewere fine. We are amazing, you and me. Sam, look at me, and listen very closely. The truth is, I loved that night, and I loved how you felt. I loved everything that happened,howit happened. Sam Bishop,” I say with my most flirtatious smile, “you rocked my motherfuckin’ world. If that wasn’t obvious, if you couldn’t tell how much I wanted you…Sam, really. You know me better than anyone—in bed and out. You know I loved every second.”
With uncharacteristic shyness, he asks, “Really? It wasn’t too much?”
“Apparently, I’m as fucked up as you death trippers because I don’t regret anything.”
He’s still not convinced. “Even that we weren’t alone?”
“Even that. Maybe I’m supposed to be embarrassed, but it just happened the way it did. I wasn’t freaked about it at the time, so I’m not going to be freaked about it now. The truth is that Costa…” I struggle to figure out how to say this. “Hetranslatedfor us. He…facilitated it.”
“Yes, he brought us closer,” Sam says definitively. “I can’t deny that.” He smooths out the towel underneath us. “Costa likes you a lot, you know?”
I smile and raise an eyebrow.
He laughs. “No, not just because of that night. Despite what happened, he doesn’t look at you as more than a friend. He’ll always be edgy and nuts because he’s Costa, but he likes you foryou. Because of your strength, your compassion…because of how you love me.”
“Did you two talk about what happened?”
