“You’ll lose me, Costa. We’ll never get past this. This is unforgivable.”
“I’m not going to lose you, Sammy.”
When Costa starts to move his hand with the knife, Sam collapses, falling to his knees. I know he sees my blood now.
“No! No! Stell, I will get you. I’ll be right there. I swear to God, I will be right there. I’ll make this okay. I’ll get you. I’ll get you…” Tears fall over his face. “Costa, you’re afucking psycho! Fuck you for making me trust you.”
“That’s not very nice, Sam,” he responds evenly. “Sometimes, we have to do things that are hard. This is one of those times. You’ll thank me later. Really.”
“Never. I’ll see you in hell,” Sam spits out.
Costa laughs. “If we ever make it there.”
“Youwill. I’ll find a way.” Sam’s hatred is full-on.
My body is trying to cry, but any move I make brings the knife deeper.Sam, save me.
“Stella, listen to me.” Sam’s hands are tight in his hair, and I know that he’s trying to make me less terrified, but his own fear is showing so profoundly. “It isn’t going to hurt. Look at me. You’ll be okay. I’ll surface you, and we will end this. It’ll be like it never happened.”
I love you. You have to get me. Promise me. I love you.
I wrap my hands around Costa’s arm, which is keeping me pinned close, and I cling to him. He’s the only kind of physical comfort I have now. I thought we cared about each other. I wanted us to. Maybe I can remind him that I mean something to him. But maybe he’s irrevocably broken, and now, I’m just a tool in his thrill seeking and his addiction, in his never-ending quest for fulfillment that he’ll never find.
“I’ll be there. I love you, Stella. I love you so much.” Sam is falling apart. He’s not getting closer to us because he’s trying to prolong these last moments. “Don’t be afraid. Just keep looking at me. Don’t be afraid. I’ll surface you, and we’ll float in the Maine air that you love so much. Just like you wanted. I’m coming for you, but you have to go first. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Keep looking at me.”
It would be impossible for me to look anywhere but into his eyes. Right now, all my faith is in him and our love.
“Here we go,” Costa says softly. “It’ll be fast.”
There’s no time for me to cry. The blade is digging in deeply now. I’m surprised at how easily Costa glides it across my neck. I feel the pressure it takes him, the strength, but the act of slitting my throat is, for him, so simple and smooth. It’s a strange sensation, and I can feel everything about the knife moving through me, but it doesn’t hurt. I have awareness, and each nerve reacts—only not with pain. Instead, warmth and love run through me, starting at my neck and radiating to the rest of my body. And there’s pleasure, electrifying intense pleasure.
Blood is seeping over my chest, and it’s such a lovely sensation. The thick liquid massages my skin and coats me with joy. Dizziness overtakes me, and my vision becomes blurred, but I want this to last forever. Every part of me feels perfect and light and beautiful, whole and heavenly really. I have never been happier or filled with more love.
God, I adore Sam.I feel my love—my worship—for him so sharply.
“It feels so good to die, doesn’t it?” Costa’s words float in front of me, beautiful script letters that travel before my eyes. He lowers me to the ground and kisses my forehead.
Yes. Don’t stop.
It’s too short, Costa. I’m fading too fast. Keep it going.“More…”
“Next time, love,” he says.
The last thing I hear is Sam screaming in agony, and the last thing I see is Sam hurling himself at Costa.
And I’m gone.
