The room starts to spin, and I hand him the phone.
“You want me to answer for you? You sure?” he asks gently.
I nod.
“Hello?”
His voice sounds funny, muffled by the deluge of panic swirling through my head, and I can’t hear anything else he says. I’m just trying to breathe. It’s not until he shakes me by the shoulders, saying my name sharply, that I refocus.
Esben is on his knees, in front of me now. “It’s Steffi on the phone,” he says.
I stare at him, unable to process those simple words.
“She’s called. She wants to talk to you.”
I shake my head, confused.
“Allison? Steffi is on the phone, and she’s asking for you. This is real. Talk to her.”
“What? What?” I clap a hand over my mouth to stifle the sob that threatens to break through. I look at Esben with desperation and hope and fear.
He makes me take the phone and whispers, “It’s all right. But she needs you.”
“Steffi?”
“Allison.”
Oh God, she sounds so weak.
“I’m here, and I love you,” I tell her instinctively.
“I love you, too. So much.” It’s an effort for her to speak, I can tell. “I made a mistake.”
It’s so hard not to cry. “What do you mean?”
“I thought I wanted...to do this alone, but I don’t.”
“Okay. Okay.” Because I must force myself to cope as I never have before, I stand up and walk the room, running my hand through my hair. “Tell me what you need. Anything.” Then I stop and look at Esben.
He is on high alert and nods confidently at me. Whatever I have to do, he’ll help.
“I don’t have long, Allison. I can feel it. The nurses know it, too.” Steffi’s crying breaks my heart, yet again. “I don’t want to go without you. I really need you.”
“I’m coming. I’ll get a flight. I’m coming, I promise.” But as I say this, I realize the problem I’m about to run into, and Esben’s stricken expression tells me that he agrees. “I will be there,” I tell her anyway. “You just hang on, okay? Just hang on.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll call you when I get a flight.”
“My nurses...are Rebecca and Jamie.” Her breathiness carries through the phone. “I’m sleeping a lot. So, they may answer. I’ll have one of them text you their numbers. I’m at Cedars-Sinai.”
“Okay, honey. I’m leaving now. I’ll get to you. Iwillget to you.” It takes all my willpower to hang up and even more willpower not to fall apart. “Steffi wants me there. It’s almost over.”
“I heard.” Esben takes me in his arms and rubs my back. “The airline strike.Andit’s spring break. We have a problem.”
I push away and look at him, panicked. “There’s no way I can reach her. What am I going to do?”
He smiles sweetly at me. “I said we have a problem, not that we can’t do this. Kerry?”
