From now on, I assert to myself, there is no room for me or what I feel. None. The only thing that matters is getting to Steffi and giving her what I can.
CHAPTER 28
BIKERS AND SURGES
Every second of the flight hurt. The descent was just another step toward Steffi’s death, and so my body trembled during the landing in Detroit.
I eat in the terminal. At least I think I do. Esben has gone to get coffee, I’m pretty sure, so I wipe my hands and call Steffi.
I’m relieved when she picks up almost immediately. “You made me a celebrity.”
“Oh. I guess we did. I’m sorry about that. Posting was the only way... we needed help, Steff. With spring break and—”
“I love it,” she says. I know by her tone that she’s smiling, but I’m surprised by the strength in her voice. “It’s totally badass. I’m...I’m following the posts and comments. So awesome. I look hot in that picture.”
I laugh genuinely. “You do. You always look hot.”
“Not right now. Ignore that when you see me.”
“Of course.” I check the time. “Our flight to O’Hare leaves soon. I’m going to hang up to help figure out about a next flight. I’ll let you know as soon as we find one, okay?”
“Okay. I’m starving. Maybe Rebecca will get me some In-N-Out Burger. A big burger and a strawberry shake would rock. I’m going to ask her.”
“You’re...hungry?”
“Famished. I slept for a while, and I’m feeling much better. You’ll have to get In-N-Out when you’re here. You’ll freak over it. Hey, did you know that all these people are tagging me on Facebook and Twitter? Lots of supercool foster kids. And, like, a gazillion people who have cancer and are rooting for me. So crazy, right? I’m digging this.”
“Okay.” I’m a little confused. “Love, Esben is back with coffee. I need to see if he’s heard from Kerry.”
“All right. Tell him thanks for making me famous. I want pictures of everything, okay? And video. Post it all, or at least show me when you get here. I don’t want to miss anything. I can’t wait to see you. I love you so much, and I’ve missed you. You’ll have to catch me up on you and Esben, but obviously things are supergood.” She is rambling so fast that I can hardly keep up. “Oh, one favor? See if he can get Colton Haynes to tweet me. I love that cutie. Oh, oh! Or Norman Reedus! Or Dave Grohl! You know how I love older men! God ... can you imagine? They’re so crazy sexy.”
I laugh again. “You got it.”
“Off to ask for, like, five burgers. Bye, Allison. Talk to you soon!”
I hang up and look at Esben. “Huh.”
“What’s up?”
“Something is weird. Steffi is...chipper. I’m going to call one of her nurses.”
“We’re boarding soon, so be quick.”
I call Steffi’s nurse Jamie, and she answers almost immediately. “Allison,” she says warmly. “Steffi gave me your number. I was debating whether or not to call you.”
“I just talked to Steffi. She...she sounds energetic. And hungry. Sort of happy, even. Is this a good sign? I know she can’t really be getting better, but...”
There’s a brief silence. “This happens on occasion,” Jamie explains. “I’ve seen it plenty. Patients get a burst of energy. A little euphoric. Kind of like an adrenaline rush. It can last a few hours or even a day or longer, but, no, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s not a good thing. It’s...a sign that the end is coming.”
“Oh. Okay.” I walk numbly into the boarding line.
“But for right now, she’s feeling good. This burst she’s in, it’s because she’s very excited to see you. Let’s focus on that. It’s nice to see her so happy.”
“Okay,” I say again. “You’re going to watch over her?”
“Yes, I promise. Rebecca and I are here all night. Both of us care a lot about Steffi, and we’re doing everything to make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Thank you. That means a lot. Jamie, I have to go. We are boarding now and will land in Chicago at about ten.”
