“Very funny.”
“Seriously, my dear sister, what’s with all the travel-size liquor bottles?”
“So what? I had an impulse purchase at the liquor store. You’re driving, I thought I’d have a drink.” I pour the mini gin into my half-emptied bottle of lukewarm tonic water and take a straw from my purse.
“Yeah, or ten, from the looks of it.”
“We have to drive right past Newburyport. I could use a little liquid courage.”
He pats my shoulder. “Fair enough.” James does not know the whole story, but he knows enough to understand that I do not want to drive through the town where Chris is getting married. And on thedaythat he is getting married. “Look, Blythe, I’m sorry that I got food poisoning and was sick all day yesterday. I know you wanted to leave then, but I can assure you that I would not have been a good travel companion. I’m sorry.”
“I know, I know. It’s not your fault. I just want to get out of Massachusetts as quickly as possible.”
“This really sucks. I’m sorry.”
I turn up the radio. “Just don’t get pulled over.”
“I don’t plan to.”
“What I’m doing is illegal and stupid. So don’t ever drink in a car.”
“I don’t plan to.”
“And you shouldn’t be driving with a passenger who is drinking.”
“I know that!”
“I’m just sayin’.”
I sink into my seat and suck on the straw. It’ll be an hour before we hit the scene of the crime, so to speak, and I might just be good and drunk by then.
“James?” I take another sip.
“Yup?”
I slide on my sunglasses and look out the window. I have dealt with a lot of shit head-on over this past year, and I’m not going to apologize for needing to run now. Getting away from home, hiding out in Maine for the summer… I deserve this. As for getting drunk on the day of Chris’s wedding? It is what it is.
“James, I’m going to get really shit-faced, okay?”
“Have at it. I’m here.”
I love James. I mean, I really, really love him. And Ilikehim. He’s letting me lean on him now, and it helps me feel less alone in my grief over this fucking Christopher Shepherd situation. If I can make it through stupid Newburyport without having some sort of psychiatric episode, then this summer will be really awesome.
My parents would be proud that we are off to Bar Harbor together. I shake open the map of Mt. Desert Island and look at the red circle where our house is. Neither of us remembers too much about it because we only walked though it for a few minutes five years ago. It appears that our house overlooks Frenchman Bay, which I think sounds rather elegant.
James lets me play the music I want as the empty bottles start to accumulate. Every song that I choose is one of my Chris songs, and I can feel that I am drunkenly spiraling into an abyss of heartache. Heartache and anger.I mean, married? Fucking married?What a stupid, absolutely stupid and irresponsible thing to do. I get that Chris needed to establish a safe, easy relationship, one that wasn’t going to challenge him or bring his past to the surface. His father must have done a fucking number on him, on all of them, and on Chris especially. But Chris is smart, in control, and capable of so much more than a superficial relationship. He deserves better, whether that is with me or not.
I wish I knew more about his father, but it’s a topic that has clear boundaries. I have never spoken to Sabin or the others about it beyond a few sentences here and there. The work that they’ve done to move on, to build successful lives, is commendable, and dredging up memories they want to forget is not my place. Chris has made it clear to me that he’s okay, that he has left that part of his life in the past. The Shepherds are a dynamic, loyal, vivacious family. They all know how to love. I see that in how they love one another and how they love me. So why wasn’t Chris able to give me more?
I suck down the last of my drink as an early sign for the Newburyport exit flashes before me. It’s only a quarter mile away, and we’re hurtling toward it.
“Take the exit! Take the exit!” I yell.
“Blythe. That’s not a good idea.”
“Yes!” I slap the dashboard. “Do it.”
“Yeah, that sounds smart. This is going to go really, really well.”
