thirty-three
As much as I love my house, it’s a breath of fresh air to be in a new environment.Hisenvironment. We’ve been together at my place for more days than I can count, and now, it makes me feel closer to him to be in the space that he designed.
Most single guys his age live in messy, grungy, dirty, un-styled apartments, whereas Danny’s house is anything but. It might be small, but he’s designed every corner with thought. And of course, color. The glimpse I had of it before didn’t give me time to enjoy the feel of being in this space, and it’s nothing but inspiring.
Thoughtfully, he programmed the coffeepot to brew up a strong Sumatra blend, so I don’t have to do much after I get up besides add in milk and sugar to our mugs. Before I bring him a cup, I again admire the bright tiles he did in there. This kitchen sets such a homey, comforting tone, one I hope I’ll have in mine.
When I get back to the bedroom, Danny is starting to rouse, his eyes half-open as he stretches. “I feel a hunger…”
I laugh as he continues quoting lyrics from last night. “For coffee?”
“Nope, not at all. But I’ll take it. Thank you.” He scoots himself up to a sitting position and takes a sip. “You ready for today?”
“I am. Very ready. And I was going to ask if I could help.”
“With the demo?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to smash some shit?” he asks as he adjusts his position against the pillow.
“Yes, but don’t look worried. This isn’t like my mantel and bathroom. I want to smash some shit for the right reasons.”
“Then, you will.”
“I’m gonna look sexy in those protective glasses, right?”
“Oh, yes, you are, babe!” As he throws his legs off the bed, he pauses. “One thing? Your old furniture is getting picked up today. It’ll be donated, which is good. And it’s also good that Paul helped reschedule the delivery of your new furniture for after the rest of the house is done.”
“Thank God. I’m glad he was on top of that because I might have jumped the gun when I ordered, but trying to manage the timing of all of this stuff is not easy.”
“You’re fine. We got you.”
After we’re fully caffeinated, we head to my place with Shallots hanging his head out the window, per usual.
It is cathartic when we trash the cabinets in my kitchen, haul out appliances, break up the floor, and demolish the windows. We are making room for much more.
While there is part of me that feels a degree of sadness about breaking apart what was here—the history of this house—mostly, I feel great joy about creating an even better space. And I think that my grandparents would have approved. There is nothing wrong with change, and I know that my grandmother in particular would have appreciated my desire to have a lovely kitchen from which I could cook and host brunches.
There is a big piece of me that pours anger on Danny’s behalf into this process. While he might not admit it or be fully aware of it, the pain Danny carries because of his mother is real, and it is significant. And one day, it’s going to become too much.
I hate that for him.
Hours later, when there is nothing left of this kitchen but the bare bones, Danny wants to drive me home, but he gets that I need to literally walk off this day. It’s not far to his place, but I promise to text him when I’m back there with Shallots. Before I leave, I do have to take a few minutes to watch Matteo and Slowski as they start the process of painting the living room. Not only are they in full head-to-toe covering, but they’re also up on crazy, ladderlike stilts, spraying the walls from canisters. Paul has removed the railing from the stairs, and I laugh, thinking that he’s probably happy to have a traumatic memory gone from this house.
Danny hands me Shallots’s leash and kisses me. “I’m going to sweep out the kitchen a bit more and help Paul, but I’ll see you in a bit.”
The walk back to his place is exactly what I needed. Today was intense, and although it was in a wonderful way, I need some quiet. We round the turn into his house, and I instinctively lead us back to the greenhouse, the one filled with his mom’s glasswork. It’s like being in a fairy tale of some sort with all of these otherworldly, spellbinding bulbs floating above me. While I’m blasted by countless colors, it’s ultimately soothing. Somehow, all of these colored orbs come together in perfection, and I find myself gently dropping to the floor and lying back. Shallots moves beside me and sets his head on my chest.
“That’s some view, isn’t it, you sweet pup?”
I lie there for over an hour, taking in the creativity, the drive, and the care that Danny’s mother must have put into each of these to produce such beautiful art. She’s a genius.
And a monster.
The truth of her neglect almost punches me in the gut. I think of how she could give so much of herself to her work and seemingly none of herself to Danny. Her son deserved the world, and she gave him nothing. He’s never going to get anything close to the kind of love he should have from his mother.
Who in the hell would abandon their kid as she did?
