sixteen
Thank God for fast shipping because nuzzling myself under this new, puffy white duvet and fresh sheets is what I need now. It might be my parents’ room, but I have to make it mine. At least for now. I simply can’t sleep in my childhood bedroom.
But new bedding doesn’t mean that I sleep well.
Dreams about driving backward over hills without brakes, dealing with winding roads? Not terribly relaxing. Out-of-control car dreams seem to be becoming a recurring theme, and I’m not a fan.
After pacing the stuffy room over and over and finding no relief, I rush down the stairs in the dead of night and fling open the front door, gasping for air.
As I’m inhaling and exhaling, trying to recover from a full-blown panic, attack I see Danny at the end of my driveway, staring calmly at the moonlit lake, Shallots by his side.
“Oh hey. You’re awake,” Danny says with such serenity. “Did you know you had a rowboat? Come on. Let’s go.”
What in the hell is happening?
“A boat ride?” I manage.
My breathing starts to even slightly, and I’m able to stand up. While I’m still recovering from my nightmare, his presence brings me some degree of peace. And also irritation. There’s something to be said for solitude while handling a massive anxiety fireball, but I’m too tired to argue. My emotions begin to subside, and I walk toward him.
“A boat ride, yes. C’mon.” He leads me to a spot under the deck. “Fine, I admit I stored this here. I love being out on this lake in any way I can. Considering the view and the easy launch point from here, how could I not store a boat? So, help me pull.”
This is all so stupid, but I help him lug the boat from under the deck, across grass and sand, and into the water.
“Okay, I know this looks weird and stalker-ish or whatever. But…I love this spot. Being out here on the lake.” He situates himself and then Shallots before holding out his hand. “You coming?”
“Sure.” I reluctantly let him help me find a seat in this dumb rowboat.
It’s so dark, and the lake is only barely lit from the lights coming from the houses on shore. Danny rows us out until it’s hard to see anything. Until it is so damn quiet.
Until he’s brought us to a place where we cannot lie.
“So, you’ve been coming here and rowboating it by my house?” I’m unable to ask this without a degree of accusation.
“Yes, I know it sounds weird,” he admits. “I get it.”
“And?”
“And I never had a father. Mike knew that, and he was the closest thing I had to a dad. Losing him hurt me too. A lot. And then you and your mom and sister left, and …” He struggles for words. “You were all gone. With no good-byes. It was rough.”
“You know that wasn’t my choice,” I say softly.
“Of course not. You were a kid. Nobody blames you.”
“They blame my mom though.”
He looks directly at me. “No. Never. Who knows what any of us would do in that situation? She left to protect herself as best she could.”
I don’t know what to say. Danny’s forceful pull on the oars sends mini waves off the boat, their sound breaking through the silence that has come between us.
Finally, I knock my foot against his and ask, “So, my dad was a surrogate dad to you? Does this mean that you think of me as a sister?”
“Definitely not.” His mischievous smile does not disappoint. Nor does the cute wink. “Are you okay with that?”
I don’t need to think before I answer, but still, I look around and take in this beautiful night view of the lake. “Yeah,” I say definitively. “I’m very okay with that.”
“Good.”
“So, you come out here and row because of my dad?”
