I nod, inviting her to start the inquisition.
“So, he’s here…because of Miss Amara?He still kept in touch with her?”she asks, surprised.
“Yes,” I say.“He told me he decided to find her after his college graduation.”
He told me about being at the ceremony, seeing his mother, taking in all the proud faces surrounding the ones holding diplomas, and realizing there was someone else he wanted to share that achievement with.
“They’ve stayed in touch since then,” I say.
“Wow.I wasn’t expecting that.”
I know my sister.She’s reacting and slowly examining everything.I let her proceed.“So, he had a direct bridge to you since, like, 2003, and chose not to contact you through her?Was he that mad at you when he left?Was your New York reencounter weird?”
I sigh.He did make that choice.But he was not mad.“It’s a long story.”
She tells me she wants to know everything, and I thank her for it.We sit on my outdoor couch, unraveling all the strings that were tied up.Because that’s what sisters are for: helping you untangle your necklaces when they’ve gotten all knotted up in your accessory bag.
“Do you know why you didn’t tell me or Philia and Cara about all of it?”she asks.
“I don’t know, I was just letting it go.”
She pauses for one second, slowly shaking her head.“It’s because you were afraid we would see right through you.”
“I love Bill,” I say.
I do.
“I’m not saying you don’t,” she says.“I’m saying all of this is impacting you anyway.”
My sister looks into my eyes, offers me a warm, reassuring smile, one that radiates kindness, and places a hand over mine.
She does see right through me.
Chapter 51
Miles
April 5th, 2009
Sunday
We always think there isn’t enough time for everything.We delay the idea of getting in a car and visiting a loved one who lives farther away because “this week is too busy,” “next month will be easier,” and “there’s no time today”.
To be back in Evermere because of a phone call with this news was profoundly sad.After all those times I said I would come to visit her improved vegetable garden, I never imagined I would lack the time to see it with her by my side.
I stand outside the chapel after the memorial service.It feels like the whole town has put its life on hold to be here.Miss Amara touched us all.
I watch Ella from a distance.I got in the car knowing I would find her here, wondering how I would feel after these last few months that have given me some space from my heartstrings.
We haven’t spoken yet.We smiled at each other from afar, as everyone here has done with one another.
She’s walking around the chapel square, greeting people with her calm and comforting smile.Next to her stands a tall, striking blonde man, wearing a dark, tailored suit that exudes refinement.He must be Bill.
Bill bends down to her ear and says something that makes her laugh.I lower my chin, trying not to look like it bothers me, pretending that I’m not noticing his arm around her shoulder.
Nothing has ever made me feel such a deep contradiction of emotions.
I want her to be happy, truly happy, next to whoever she wishes to.And yet, it hurts to see her smile at him.But I would choose, without a second thought, to see her fully happy far from me, rather than halfway happy by my side.
