I walk briskly, until the moment I flutter past the window to the Center’s garden and my eyes do a double-take.
There he is.Miles.Standing alone, his phone pressed to his ear.
I feel that skip in my heartbeat.
Inconstant.Love is a constant inconstancy.Or is it life?And what’s the difference?
I won’t let my heart miss this moment of bravery.
I enter the garden and approach him slowly.
“Ella!”His face lights up when he sees me.“I was calling your cell phone,” he says, holding his phone up to me.Then, his tone softens.“I need to tell you something.”
My hands are shaking slightly, so I press them to my sides to stop the tremble.How can you feel so comfortable in someone’s presence and yet be shaken by it at the same time?
“I know, Miles,” I start, not letting myself give up on the words I’ve been trying not to swallow.“I’m so happy you’re taking your dad with you, so you can be closer and be part of each other’s lives.But I need to tell you that I’ll miss you too much.That life is funnier with you.That I can’t imagine the possibility of losing touch with you.And that I can’t let you go without telling you I have feelings for you.More than just myhighest-quality-friendfeelings.”
There.
I said it.
He looks into my eyes, then steps closer to me.This closeness is the thing that triggers my butterflies into flying wildly around my stomach.
We fall into silence.
“You’re not talking,” I start rambling in my fast-forward mode.“You think I’m crazy you think this makes no sense you think we can’t lose this friendship and we’ve lost it before and I know and you’re right and I was—”
And then he kisses me.
And the whole world around us isn’t really here anymore.It’s just us, locked in this moment, as if time has paused and everything else fades into the background.
“Ella, I want to share something that’s very easy for me to say out loud to the world,” he says, aware that everything I’ve just admitted was difficult formeto say.
Miles takes a small step back.His eyes hold intensity.“I didn’t know much the first moment I saw you.I just knew you were going to mean something to me.I didn’t know what.My soul was attracted to yours the same way a moth is drawn to light, or the same way you’re drawn to anything blue, simply because it’s blue.I love the way you pay attention to others, the way you don’t listen to reply, you listen to understand.I love the face you make when something falls because you’ve been clumsy.I love how you feel bad for not letting a car merge into traffic, and how you always check the mirror afterward to make sure they made it.I love the funny voices you use when you’re joking around.And so much more that makes you, well…you.Because that’s you.And you’re the love of my life.So, forgive me if I’m being cheesy, forgive me if I’m saying way too much, but sometimes… a guy just knows.”
His words paralyze me.
Here I am, struggling to say something so simple, giving an inch of vulnerability.And here he is, verbalizing all these beautiful words, diving into the vulnerable ocean that is loving someone.
After all, I think that is what this is.
To fall in love— is that what this is?
I’ve never known a feeling like this before.
It’s terrifying… allowing someone to see your heart is theirs.
“But…” I manage to say.
“I’m not taking my dad to New York with me,” he says, and my eyebrows raise.
“No?”
“I’m taking my dad to Evermere.”He smiles.
“What?”I continue my monosyllabic answers.
His dimples deepen on his cheeks.
