She lets out a soft sigh. “Val and I have been friends since high school. She moved here in our sophomore year. She was so scrawny back then,” she says, smiling, and it’s impossible to miss the light in her eyes as she thinks about her friend. “She didn’t talk much and was new, which made her a prime target for bullies. I protected her back then. And I’ve always tried to do that as we’ve grown up. Valentina’s practically my sister.”
“Then why are you pushing her away?”
“Because…” She pauses, her expression tightening. “I feel like I failed her. I couldn’t protect her from your world. But then again, I can barely even protect myself. I just feel like a fraud right now.”
I stay quiet, letting her sort through the thoughts in her head. She finally looks up at me, blue eyes so deep and so clear. Her eyes were created to unmake men. She has no idea how much power she holds with one look.
“Do you want to know the worst part, Matteo? When you showed up at the cabin, I felt so much relief,” she admits, shamerippling across her face. “And even after you killed those men, I still felt relief that they were gone.”
“They would have killed you. The world is a better place with them gone,” I say.
“And wouldn’t the world be a better place with you gone as well?”
“Probably,” I admit. “But you don’t want me gone.”
“No. I want you, though,” she whispers. “Because for some reason, when I kissed you, the world stopped.”
My throat tightens as I take in those words. I don’t say anything and she doesn’t seem to need me to. Her eyes narrow in the next breath.
“Rest assured, I’m not in love with you or anything,” she clarifies.
I roll my eyes. “Of course not.”
“You’re just very attractive. And I am very physically attracted to you. That’s all this is,” she explains.
I nod slowly, agreeing silently. I want to throw her onto a bed and fuck her hard until she forgets about all her pain and doubt. But it would be just sex.
The ache in my heart doesn’t matter. The way I feel when I simply look at her doesn’t matter. She’s a beautiful woman. The type of woman you want to have, to own and possess. But she’s not mine. And I don’t think she would ever let herself be that.
“You can go now,” she finally says, “I’m grateful. That you came here and that you tried to help. I feel better. And I’ll stop hiding. I’ll go back to work tomorrow. I don’t have much of a choice considering there’s a deposition I’m in charge of. But honestly, I’m fine now.”
I hesitate. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” she states, getting to her feet. “Thank you for the spring rolls. And thanks for talking to me. And thanks for not being an asshole.”
“I’m never an asshole,” I mutter.
She smiles at that. I stand as well, taking in my surroundings for a second. Then I take in the woman who glows enough that everything else fades into the background.
“Get some sleep, Lindsay,” I tell her.
“I’ll try,” she says gently. I notice her mind drifting somewhere else. Her eyes grow unfocused. “You know, I see them when I close my eyes. Their dead bodies on the floor.”
My jaw clenches.
“Do you want me to stay with you? I’m not suggesting anything nefarious. I could stay and help. Maybe keep the visions of them at bay.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re the reason they’re here, Matteo.”
We both fall silent for a beat. The reason why this is such a big conundrum is that I get the sense that she wants me to apologize for what I did. To display some regret. But that’s not who I am. And I refuse to cower or shy away from that. I’m not capable of it.
“I know. They’re my responsibility.”
“No, they’re mine,” she retorts. “And no, I don’t want you to stay here with me. Sometimes you’re worse than the nightmares, Matteo.”
My air in the room grows colder at that statement. I don’t say a word in reply because really what can I say? I already knew she would turn down my offer. Plus, I have to tuck Leo in for bed. I promised I would that do earlier today and I’m not fond of breaking promises to my son.
“Alright then. I’ll leave.”
