After another fulfilling pool session the next day, I find myself in Matteo’s bed once again. He hasn’t fucked me yet, though. I walked through the door and found him on the phone, speaking rapid Italian to the person on the other end.
My Italian is a little rusty, so I settle for sitting on his bed, staring at him and waiting for him to be done. He paces the length of the room, strong hands gripping the phone as he speaks.
I’ve become intimately aware of what those hands can do. The damage they can inflict.
My ass is still sore from yesterday. He was so sweet and gentle and yet I could feel the danger lurking in his depths. I’m glad he let me experience that. He didn’t hold himself back. He let me see all of him.
And for the first time, I think I’m okay with it.
I find myself wanting all of him. And even more if he’ll offer it to me.
It’s not just the good sex, it’s everything else. The thoughtful gestures, his patience and kindness. Matteo Vitale might just be the man of my dreams. And I’m not sure what to do with that realization.
The phone call ends and then he looks at me with a smirk.
“Why are you staring at me like that, creep?” he questions, moving to sit by my side on the bed.
I hesitate before voicing the question that’s been spinning inside my head.
“Could you tell me about Leo’s mom?” I ask softly.
Matteo pauses, then he sighs like he had been expecting it.
“I was wondering when you’d get around to asking,” he drawls.
“So you’ll tell me? Were you married? Did you love her? Is she alive?” I say, firing the questions rapidly.
“Slow down.” He chuckles. “I’ll tell you everything you need to know. But you need to tell me something, too. Quid pro quo, princess.”
I suck in a harsh breath, considering. “Fine, I guess it’s only fair.”
He nods once, before settling in deeper in the bed. We’re facing each other and the air around us grows still, trapping us in the moment before he starts to speak.
“I met Sara when I was around your age, actually. I’m a very guarded person, Kitten. I don’t usually let people in, but I let her in. And for a little while, things were going well between us. I guess you could even say we were falling in love,” he says sardonically.
“You guess? You don’t know if you were in love?”
“She probably loved me, at least she said she did, but I could never say it back. I had just started getting the hang of my role in the family and I didn’t see the point of letting emotions get in the way of that. Love always seems like a bad idea to me so I stay away from it.”
“But?”
“But then Leo happened. We found out she was pregnant and it all changed. I guess she wasn’t ready for such a bigcommitment like she thought she was. On my part, I was ready to make her my wife, take responsibility. Sara didn’t want that, though.”
“I mean, can you blame her? She didn’t want you to marry her just because she was pregnant. She probably wanted you to love her.”
“Well, I couldn’t give her all of that. I made the offer I thought I needed to make but she said it wasn’t worth it. She knew all about my life and she got scared. She didn’t want to be a part of it forever. I mean… I’m sure I’d grow to love her if she stuck around but… she left. She walked out on me and Leo.”
The words he’s saying burn. I realize I’m in the same shoes Sara was in. He’s putting himself out there again, but can he ever love me? I would hate to feel stuck with someone who’s only with me for the logistics. He’s letting history repeat itself and hoping it’ll end differently.
I wish I could assure him that it won’t, but I can’t. Not with my heart on the line like that.
“What happened to her? Sara. Is she still alive?” I ask, suddenly worried.
From what I’ve heard, it’s not easy to get a clean break from the mafia. Most people don’t walk out alive and I’m terrified that Matteo might have killed her.
Matteo gives me a look like he can tell exactly what I’m thinking. It stings.
“It’s not a matter of choosing between your life and staying in theCosa Nostra, Lindsay,” he states. “Sara walked away, and I let her. There’s always a choice. She’s still alive. Lives in Atlanta now with her husband and two kids. She calls Leo on his birthdays and on holidays. But she’s made her stance pretty clear about her role in our lives.”
