“Hey, I’m thinking of giving it a go,” Conor said. “I’d like to meet a girl who’s not after my body and signing bonus.”
These children and their technology. Who needed apps when you could get drunk and accidentally married to the woman of your dreams?
“Okay!” Conor clapped his hands together. “Hey, everyone, welcome to another edition of Dirty Puck Talk, the fastest growing hockey podcast in North America. As always, this is not suitable for work or young, impressionable minds. As one of our 1.2 million subscribers, thanks for joining us.”
One point two million subscribers? The guy played professional hockey. Where did he find the time?
“So on today’s show, we have a new addition to the Chicago Rebels. Alexei Nazarov is a two-time Cup winner, recipient of too many awards to count, and claims he’s never seen or listened to this show. Welcome to Dirty Puck Talk, Nazarov.”
“Thank you. I am indifferent to being here.”
“Excellent. My other guest is Jason Isner, who you all know is my uncle, and not only recently delivered the Cup for the Rebels but also had a hand in delivering his own kid in the owners’ skybox during Game 6. He’s finally woken up from his post-playoffs, post-baby birth coma and come to chat with us. Hey, J.”
“Hey, Connie.”
“Awesome! So, usually we’d do check-ins with our guests and a weigh-in on an Am I the Dick ethical or moral dilemma, but today I’d like to jump in first with the Q of the Day.” His expression turned serious, like an old-school news interviewer. “How close is this Chicago Rebels fan fiction to the real thing?”
“I haven’t read any of it,” I said, recalling how much it bothered Lauren. That cheered me. “Isner?”
“Hell yeah. I’m always checking up on how my alter ego Mason Listener is doing and what sort of sexy shenanigans he’s getting up to. Wouldn’t say the activities are familiar, but that guy has no problems with the ladies.”
Conor grinned. “What does your baby mama think?”
“She agrees that the author has a great imagination.”
“So the latest installments are right up to date with the Rebels’ real-life trade decisions. We have new Renegades player—Renegades being the proxy for the Rebels—Rex Maximov who bears an uncanny likeness to a certain Russian-born power forward. Sexy Rexy is in a relationship with his agent, and there’s speculation that the agent is based on Summer Landry, who happens to be a real-life hockey analyst, now agent, over at The Yates Group. She also happens to be dating my brother Hatch, and not his fan fiction avatar Thatch Cockslaw. I know, kind of twisty, but keep up, everyone.” He turned to me. “So, Nazarov, does Hatch have anything to worry about?”
I rubbed my jaw scruff. “Rest assured that I will not be getting into a fight with your brother over Ms. Landry. She seems like a nice person, but my attentions are focused elsewhere.”
Conor perked right up. This was likely his goal all along, and I had sleepwalked into his trap. “So you’re already dating in Chicago? Or doing something long-distance?”
“Neither, and that is all I am prepared to say.”
“Maybe a different agent is on your radar.”
A snort from Jason punctuated that statement.
“Tell me more, J.”
“Nothing to tell,” he said. “When Naz has something to report, he’ll let you know.”
“So Chirp Queen has the inside track?”
“Chirp Queen?”
“That’s the handle of the fan fic author. I’m guessing it’s a woman because the sex scenes aren’t cringe.” Conor drummed his finger on the table. “Pretty hot, actually, and we all know that male authors are constantly winning those awards for bad sex writing. I’m thinking she works for a hockey org, maybe even the Rebels.”
“Because she made up some on-the-nose names that sound like Rebels players?” Jason shook his head. “Anyone could do that. Doesn’t make them an insider.”
Conor looked thoughtful. I suspected, in his case, this was synonymous with “dangerous.”
He spoke into the microphone. “Well, Chirp Queen, if you’re listening and you’d like to be interviewed on Dirty Puck Talk, we have ways to guarantee your anonymity. DM us on our Insta.”
Landon groaned. “Now you’ve done it. You’ll have every huckster sliding in claiming to be him, her, or them.”
“We shall see! Okay, J, let’s talk about my baby cousin Cammi. So she’s barely two months old, but given the high IQ of her mother, I’m guessing she’s almost at the talking stage. How worried are you that your genetics are going to fuck it up?”
After the podcast, during which Conor tried and failed to extract more information about my dating life, Jason cut out quickly to get home to Franky and Cammi but not before assuring me he was on Team Nazarov for any help I needed with Sasha. Heading upstairs, I found Theo Kershaw in his kitchen, making lunch.
